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a letter in the post officeat Thirty-third Street and Eighth Avenue in New York. Inoticed that the clerk appeared to be bored with the job-weighing envelopes, handing out stamps, making change, issuing receipts - the same monotonous grindyear after year. So I said to myself: "I am going to try tomake that clerk like me. Obviously, to make him likeme, I must say something nice, not about myself, butabout him. So I asked myself, ‘What is there about himthat I can honestly admire?’ " That is sometimes a hardquestion to answer, especially with strangers; but, inthis case, it happened to be easy. I instantly saw somethingI admired no end.
　　So while he was weighing my envelope, I remarkedwith enthusiasm: "I certainly wish I had your head ofhair.”
　　He looked up, half-startled, his face beaming withsmiles. "Well, it isn’t as good as it used to be,” he saidmodestly. I assured him that although it might have lostsome of its pristine glory, nevertheless it was still magnificent.He was immensely pleased. We carried on apleasant little conversation and the last thing he said tome was: “Many people have admired my hair.”
　　I’ll bet that person went out to lunch that day walkingon air. I’ll bet he went home that night and told his wifeabout it. I’ll bet he looked in the mirror and said: “It is abeautiful head of hair.”
　　I told this story once in public and a man asked meafterwards: “‘What did you want to get out of him?”
　　What was I trying to get out of him!!! What was I tryingto get out of him!!!
　　If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can’t radiatea little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciationwithout trying to get something out of the other personin return - if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples,we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.Oh yes, I did want something out of that chap. Iwanted something priceless. And I got it. I got the feelingthat I had done something for him without his beingable to do anything whatever in return for me. That is afeeling that flows and sings in your memory lung afterthe incident is past.
　　There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble.In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countlessfriends and constant happiness. But the very instant webreak the law, we shall get into endless trouble. The lawis this: Always make the other person feel important.John Dewey, as we have already noted, said that thedesire to be important is the deepest urge in humannature; and William James said: “The deepest principlein human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” As Ihave already pointed out, it is this urge that differentiatesus from the animals. It is this urge that has beenresponsible for civilization itself.
　　Philosophers have been speculating on the rules ofhuman relationships for thousands of years, and out ofall that speculation, there has evolved only one importantprecept. It is not new. It is as old as history. Zoroastertaught it to his followers in Persia twenty-fivehundred years ago. Confucius preached it in Chinatwenty-four centuries ago. Lao-tse, the founder ofTaoism, taught it to his disciples in the Valley of theHan. Buddha preached it on the bank of the HolyGanges five hundred years before Christ. The sacredbooks of Hinduism taught it a thousand years beforethat. Jesus taught it among the stony hills of Judea nineteencenturies ago. Jesus summed it up in one thought-probably the most important rule in the world: “Dounto others as you would have others do unto you.”
　　You want the approval of those with whom you comein contact. You want recognition of your true worth. Youwant a feeling that you are important in your little world.You don’t want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, butyou do crave sincere appreciation. You want your friendsand associates to be, as Charles Schwab put it, “heartyin their approbation and lavish in their praise.” All of uswant that.
　　So let’s obey the Golden Rule, and give unto otherswhat we would have others give unto us,How? When? Where? The answer is: All the time,everywhere.
　　David G. Smith of Eau Claire, Wisconsin, told one ofour classes how he handled a delicate situation when hewas asked to take charge of the refreshment booth at a charity concert,“The night of the concert I arrived at the park andfound two elderly ladies in a very bad humor standingnext to the refreshment stand. Apparently each thoughtthat she was in charge of this project. As I stood therepondering what to do, me of the members of the sponsoringcommittee appeared and handed me a cashbox and thanked me for taking over the project. Sheintroduced Rose and Jane as my helpers and then ranoff.
　　"A great silence ensued. Realizing that the cash boxwas a symbol of authority (of sorts), I gave the box toRose and explained that I might not be able to keep themoney straight and that if she took care of it I would feelbetter. I then suggested to Jane that she show two teenagerswho had been assigned to refreshments how tooperate the soda machine, and I asked her to be responsiblefor that part of the project.
　　“The evening was very enjoyable with Rose happilycounting the money, Jane supervising the teenagers, andme enjoying the concert.”
　　You don’t have to wait until you are ambassador toFrance or chairman of the Clambake Committee of yourlodge before you use this philosophy of appreciation.You can work magic with it almost every day.
　　If, for example, the waitress brings us mashed potatoeswhen we have ordered French fried, let’s say: “I’m sorryto trouble you, but I prefer French fried.” She’ll probablyreply, “No trouble at all” and will be glad to changethe potatoes, because we have shown respect for her.
　　Little phrases such as “I’m sorry to trouble you,”“Would you be so kind as to ----? " "Won't youplease?” " Would you mind?” “Thank you” - little courtesieslike these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind ofeveryday life- and, incidentally, they are the hallmarkof good breeding.
　　Let’s take another illustration. Hall Caine’s novels-TheChristian, The Deemster, The Manxman, amongthem - were all best-sellers in the early part of this century.
　　Millions of people read his novels, countless millions.He was the son of a blacksmith. He never hadmore than eight years’ schooling in his life; yet when hedied he was the richest literary man of his time.
　　The story goes like this: Hall Caine loved sonnets andballads; so he devoured all of Dante Gabriel Rossetti’spoetry. He even wrote a lecture chanting the praises ofRossetti’s artistic achievement-and sent a copy to Rossettihimself. Rossetti was delighted. “Any young manwho has such an exalted opinion of my ability,” Rossettiprobably said to himself, “must be brilliant,” So Rossettiinvited this blacksmith’s son to come to London and actas his secretary. That was the turning point in HallCaine’s life; for, in his new position, he met the literaryartists of the day. Profiting by their advice and inspiredby their encouragement, he launched upon a career thatemblazoned his name across the sky.
　　His home, Greeba Castle, on the Isle of Man, becamea Mecca for tourists from the far corners of the world,and he left a multimillion dollar estate. Yet - who knows- he might have died poor and unknown had he notwritten an essay expressing his admiration for a famousman.
　　Such is the power, the stupendous power, of sincere,heartfelt appreciation.
　　Rossetti considered himself important. That is notstrange, Almost everyone considers himself important,very important.
　　The life of many a person could probably be changedif only someone would make him feel important. RonaldJ. Rowland, who is one of the instructors of our coursein California, is also a teacher of arts and crafts. He wroteto us about a student named Chris in his beginningcrafts class:
　　Chris was a very quiet, shy boy lacking in self-confidence,the kind of student that often does not receive theattention he deserves. I also teach an advanced class thathad grown to be somewhat of a status symbol and a privilegefor a student to have earned the right to be in it.On Wednesday, Chris was diligently working at his desk.
　　I really felt there was a hidden fire deep inside him. I askedChris if he would like to be in the advanced class. How Iwish I could express the look in Chris’s face, the emotionsin that shy fourteen-year-old boy, trying to hold back histears.
　　“Who me, Mr. Rowland? Am I good enough?”
　　“Yes, Chris, you are good enough.”
　　I had to leave at that point because tears were coming tomy eyes. As Chris walked out of class that day, seeminglytwo inches taller, he looked at me with bright blue eyes andsaid in a positive voice, “Thank you, Mr. Rowland.”
　　Chris taught me a lesson I will never forget-our deepdesire to feel important. To help me never forget this rule,I made a sign which reads “YOU ARE IMPORTANT." Thissign hangs in the front of the classroom for all to see and toremind me that each student I face is equally important.
　　The unvarnished truth is that almost all the peopleyou meet feel themselves superior to you in some way,and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize insome subtle way that you recognize their importance,and recognize it sincerely.
　　Remember what Emerson said: “Every man I meet ismy superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”
　　And the pathetic part of it is that frequently those whohave the least justification for a feeling of achievementbolster up their egos by a show of tumult and conceitwhich is truly nauseating. As Shakespeare put it: ". . .man, proud man,/Drest in a little brief authority,/ . . .Plays such fantastic tricks before high heaven/As makethe angels weep.”
　　I am going to tell you how business people in my owncourses have applied these principles with remarkableresults. Let’s take the case of a Connecticut attorney (becauseof his relatives he prefers not to have his namementioned).
　　Shortly after joining the course, Mr. R----- drove toLong Island with his wife to visit some of her relatives.
　　She left him to chat with an old aunt of hers and therrushed off by herself to visit some of the younger relatives.Since he soon had to give a speech professionallyon how he applied the principles of appreciation, hethought he would gain some worthwhile experiencetalking with the-elderly lady. So he looked around thehouse to see what he could honestly admire.
　　“This house was built about 1890, wasn’t it?” he inquired.
　　“Yes,” she replied, “that is precisely the year it wasbuilt.”
　　“It reminds me of the house I was born in,” he said.“It’s beautiful. Well built. Roomy. You know, they don’tbuild houses like this anymore.”
　　“You’re right,” the old lady agreed. “The young folksnowadays don’t care for beautiful homes. All they wantis a small apartment, and then they go off gadding aboutin their automobiles.
　　“This is a dream house,” she said in a voice vibratingwith tender memories. “This house was built with love.My husband and I dreamed about it for years before webuilt it. We didn’t have an architect. We planned it allourselves."
　　She showed Mr. R----- about the house, and he expressedhis hearty admiration for the beautiful treasuresshe had picked up in her travels and cherished over alifetime - paisley shawls, an old English tea set, Wedgwoodchina, French beds and chairs, Italian paintings,and silk draperies that had once hung in a French chateau.
　　After showing Mr. R----- through the house, she tookhim out to the garage. There, jacked up on blocks, was aPackard car - in mint condition.
　　"My husband bought that car for me shortly before hepassed on,” she said softly. “I have never ridden in itsince his death. . . . You appreciate nice things, and I’mgoing to give this car to you.”
　　“Why, aunty,” he said, “you overwhelm me. I appreciateyour generosity, of course; but I couldn’t possibly
　　accept it. I’m not even a relative of yours. I have a newcar, and you have many relatives that would like to havethat Packard.”
　　“Relatives!” she exclaimed. “Yes, I have relatives whoare just waiting till I die so they can get that car. Butthey are not going to get it.”
　　“If you don’t want to give it to them, you can veryeasily sell it to a secondhand dealer,” he told her.
　　“Sell it!” she cried. “Do you think I would sell thiscar? Do you think I could stand to see strangers ridingup and down the street in that car - that car that myhusband bought for me? I wouldn’t dream of selling it.I’m going to give it to you. You appreciate beautifulthings."
　　He tried to get out of accepting the car, but he couldn’twithout hurting her feelings.
　　This lady, left all alone in a big house with her paisleyshawls, her French antiques, and her memories, wasstarving for a little recognition, She had once beenyoung and beautiful and sought after She had once builta house warm with love and had collected things fromall over Europe to make it beautiful. Now, in the isolatedloneliness of old age, she craved a little human warmth,a little genuine appreciation - and no one gave it to her.And when she found it, like a spring in the desert, hergratitude couldn’t adequately express itself with anythingless than the gift of her cherished Packard.
　　Let’s take another case: Donald M. McMahon, whowas superintendent of Lewis and Valentine, nurserymenand landscape architects in Rye, New York, relatedthis incident:
　　“Shortly after I attended the talk on ‘How to WinFriends and Influence People,’ I was landscaping theestate of a famous attorney. The owner came out to giveme a few instructions about where he wished to plant amass of rhododendrons and azaleas.
　　“I said, ‘Judge, you have a lovely hobby. I've beenadmiring your beautiful dogs. I understand you win a lot
　　of blue ribbons every year at the show in MadisonSquare Garden.’
　　“The effect of this little expression of appreciation wasstriking.
　　" ‘Yes,’ the judge replied, ‘I do have a lot of fun withmy dogs. Would you like to see my kennel?’
　　“He spent almost an hour showing me his dogs andthe prizes they had won. He even brought out theirpedigrees and explained about the bloodlines responsiblefor such beauty and intelligence.
　　“Finally, turning to me, he asked: ‘Do you have anysmall children?’
　　" ‘Yes, I do,’ I replied, ‘I have a son.’
　　" ‘Well, wouldn’t he like a puppy?’ the judge inquired.
　　" ‘Oh, yes, he’d be tickled pink.’
　　" ‘All right, I’m going to give him one,' the . judge announced.
　　He started to tell me how to feed the puppy. Then hepaused. ‘You’ll forget it if I tell you. I’ll write it out.’ Sothe judge went in the house, typed out the pedigree andfeeding instructions, and gave me a puppy worth severalhundred dollars and one hour and fifteen minutes of hisvaluable time largely because I had expressed my honestadmiration for his hobby and achievements.”
　　George Eastman, of Kodak fame, invented the transparentfilm that made motion pictures possible, amasseda fortune of a hundred million dollars, and made himselfone of the most famous businessmen on earth. Yet inspite of all these tremendous accomplishments, hecraved little recognitions even as you and I.
　　To illustrate: When Eastman was building the EastmanSchool of Music and also Kilbourn Hall in Rochester,James Adamson, then president of the SuperiorSeating Company of New York, wanted to get the orderto supply the theater chairs for these buildings. Phoningthe architect, Mr. Adamson made an appointment to see Mr. Eastman in Rochester.
　　When Adamson arrived, the architect said: "I knowyou want to get this order, but I can tell you right nowthat you won’t stand a ghost of a show if you take morethan five minutes of George Eastman’s time. He is astrict disciplinarian. He is very busy. So tell your storyquickly and get out.”
　　Adamson was prepared to do just that.
　　When he was ushered into the room he saw Mr. Eastmanbending over a pile of papers at his desk. Presently,Mr. Eastman looked up, removed his glasses, andwalked toward the architect and Mr. Adamson, saying:“Good morning, gentlemen, what can I do for you?”
　　The architect introduced them, and then Mr. Adamsonsaid: “While we’ve been waiting for you, Mr. Eastman,I’ve been admiring your office. I wouldn’t mind workingin a room like this myself. I’m in the interior-woodworkingbusiness, and I never saw a more beautiful office inall my life.”
　　George Eastman replied: “You remind me of somethingI had almost forgotten. It is beautiful, isn’t it? Ienjoyed it a great deal when it was first built. But I comedown here now with a lot of other things on my mindand sometimes don’t even see the room for weeks at atime ."
　　Adamson walked over and rubbed his hand across apanel. “This is English oak, isn’t it? A little differenttexture from Italian oak.”
　　“Yes,” Eastman replied. “Imported English oak. Itwas selected for me by a friend who specializes in finewoods ."
　　Then Eastman showed him about the room, commentingon the proportions, the coloring, the hand carvingand other effects he had helped to plan and execute.
　　While drifting about the room, admiring the wood-work,they paused before a window, and George Eastman,in his modest, soft-spoken way, pointed out some of the institutions through which he was trying to helphumanity: the University of Rochester, the General Hospital,the Homeopathic Hospital, the Friendly Home,the Children’s Hospital. Mr. Adamson congratulatedhim warmly on the idealistic way he was using hiswealth to alleviate the sufferings of humanity. Presently,George Eastman unlocked a glass case and pulled outthe first camera he had ever owned - an invention hehad bought from an Englishman.
　　Adamson questioned him at length about his earlystruggles to get started in business, and Mr. Eastmanspoke with real feeling about the poverty of his childhood,telling how his widowed mother had kept a boardinghousewhile he clerked in an insurance office. Theterror of poverty haunted him day and night, and heresolved to make enough money so that his motherwouldn’t have to work, Mr. Adamson drew him out withfurther questions and listened, absorbed, while he relatedthe story of his experiments with dry photographicplates. He told how he had worked in an office all day,and sometimes experimented all night, taking only briefnaps while the chemicals were working, sometimesworking and sleeping in his clothes for seventy-twohours at a stretch.
　　James Adamson had been ushered into Eastman’s officeat ten-fifteen and had been warned that he must nottake more than five minutes; but an hour had passed,then two hours passed. And they were still talking.Finally, George Eastman turned to Adamson and said,“The last time I was in Japan I bought some chairs,brought them home, and put them in my sun porch. Butthe sun peeled the paint, so I went downtown the otherday and bought some paint and painted the chairs myself.Would you like to see what sort of a job I can dopainting chairs? All right. Come up to my home and havelunch with me and I’ll show you.”
　　After lunch, Mr. Eastman showed Adamson the chairshe had brought from Japan. They weren’t worth morethan a few dollars, but George Eastman, now a multimillionaire,was proud of them because he himself hadpainted them.
　　The order for the seats amounted to $90,000. Who do you suppose got the order - James Adamson or one ofhis competitors?
　　From the time of this story until Mr. Eastman’s death,he and James Adamson were close friends.
　　Claude Marais, a restaurant owner in Rouen, France,used this principle and saved his restaurant the loss of akey employee. This woman had been in his employ forfive years and was a vital link between M. Marais andhis staff of twenty-one people. He was shocked to receivea registered letter from her advising him of herresignation.
　　M. Marais reported: "I was very surprised and, evenmore, disappointed, because I was under the impressionthat I had been fair to her and receptive to her needs.Inasmuch as she was a friend as well as an employee, Iprobably had taken her too much for granted and maybewas even more demanding of her than of other employees.
　　"I could not, of course, accept this resignation withoutsome explanation. I took her aside and said, ‘Paulette,you must understand that I cannot accept your resignationYou mean a great deal to me and to this company,and you are as important to the success of this restaurantas I am.’ I repeated this in front of the entire staff, and Iinvited her to my home and reiterated my confidence inher with my family present.
　　“Paulette withdrew her resignation, and today I canrely on her as never before. I frequently reinforce thisby expressing my appreciation for what she does andshowing her how important she is to me and to the restaurant.”
　　“Talk to people about themselves,” said Disraeli, oneof the shrewdest men who ever ruled the British Empire.“Talk to people about themselves and they willlisten for hours ."
　　PRINCIPLE 6Make the other person feel important-anddo it sincerely.
　　我在纽约的三十三号街第八号路的邮局里，顺次排列等着要发一封挂号信，我发现里面那个邮务员，对他的工 作显得很苦恼………。秤情的分量，递出邮票，找给零钱，散发收据，这样枯燥的工作，一年接一年 的下去。
　　所以我对自己说：「我过去试一试要让那人喜欢我，我必需要说些有趣的事，那是关于他的，不是我的。」于 是我又问自己：「他有什么地方，可以值得赞赏的？」这是个很不容易找出答案的困难，尤其对方是个似曾相识的 陌生人。可是很轻易的，我有了一个发现，我从这邮务员身上，找出一椿值得称赞的事了。
　　当他秤我的信时，我很热情的说：「我真生机有你这样一头好头发！」
　　那邮务员把头抬了起来，他的神色神色，从惊奇中换出一副笑颜来，很客气的说：「没有以前那样好了！」我 很确实的告诉他也许没有过去的光泽，不过现在看来，依然很雅观。他非常高兴，我们愉快的谈了几句，最后他对 我这样说：「许多人都称颂过我的头发。」
　　我敢打赌，那位邮务员中午放工去吃午饭的时候，他脚步就像腾云跨风般的轻松。晚上回去家里，他会跟太太 提到这事，而且还会对着镜子说：「嗯，我的头发确实不错。」
　　我曾在公共场合，讲过这个故事，后来有人问我：「你想从那个邮务员身上，得到些什么？」
　　我想得到些什么？我想要从那个邮务员身上，得到些什么？
　　如果我们是那样的卑下自私，不从别人身上得到什么，就不愿意分给别人一点快乐，如果我们的气度比一个酸 苹果还小，那我们所要遭遇到的，也绝对是失败。
　　嗯，是的，我确切想要从那人身上，得到些什么！我想要获得一些极贵重的货色，而我已经得到 了--我使他感到到，我替他做了一件不需要他回报的事。那件事，即便过了良久当前，但在他回想中，仍然闪烁出光辉 来。
　　人们的行动，有一项相对重要的定律，如果我们遵守这项定律，差不多永远不会遇到烦忧。
　　事实上，如果遵守这项定律，会替我们带来无数的朋友，和永恒的快乐。可是如果违背了那项定律，我们就会 遭受到无数的艰苦。这项定律是．永远使别人感觉重要.
　　社威教学曾这样说过：「自重的愿望，是人们本性中最迫切的请求。」贾姆斯博士说：「人们天性的至深实质 ，是渴求为人所器重。」我曾经说过，人与动物相异之处，就在于自重感的有与无，而人类的文明也 由此而起的。
　　哲学家们对于人类关联的定律，思考了数千年。而所有的思考中，结果祇引证出一条定律。那项定律不是新的 ，它跟历史一样的古老！三千多年前，琐罗斯特把那条定律教给所有拜火教徒。二十四个世纪前，孔子在中国宣讲 ,designer perfume，道教始祖老子教他的徒弟。纪元前五百年，释迦牟尼也把那条定律留传人间。耶稣把那条定律，综合在一个思维 中--那是世界上一项
　　最重要的定律：「你希望别人怎么待你，你就该怎样去看待别人。」
　　你想要跟你接触的人都赞成你，你想要别人承认你的价值，你想要在你的小世界里，有一种自重感。你不希望 受到没有价值、不真诚的奉承，你渴求真诚的赞赏。你希望你的朋友，就像司华伯所说的，「诚于嘉许，宽于称道 」。所有的人都需要这些。
　　所以让我们遵照这条清规戒律以愿望别人所给我的，而去给别人。
　　如何做?何时做？在什么地方做？这个谜底是：「所有的时间，任何地点。」
　　例如：有一次，我去无线电城询问处，探听苏文的办公室号码。那个穿著整齐制服的询问员，仿佛自己显得很 高贵，他很清楚的回答：「亨利．苏文(顿了顿)，十八楼(顿了顿)，一八一六室。」
　　我走向电梯，想了想，接着又走了回来，向那个讯问员说：「你答复问题的办法很美丽，很明白、适当，你像 一个艺术家，切实不简略。」
　　他脸上现出高兴的毫光，他告诉我，为什么在答话时，旁边要顿一顿，为什么每句话的多少个字，要那么说。 他听了我那些话后，兴奋得把领带略为往上拉高些。当我搭乘电梯上了十八楼时，我觉得人们快乐的总量上，我又 加上了一点。
　　你不需要等到职任驻法大使，或是做了一个很大俱乐部主席时，才去夸奖别人，你几乎每天都可 以运用它。
　　譬如：我们要一客法度的煎马铃薯，而那个女服务生替你端来了煮的马铃薯，在那时候，我们就不妨这样说： 「对不起，要麻烦妳了--我喜欢的是法式的煎马铃薯。」她会回答一点也不麻烦」，并且很愿意的替你去调换，因为你先尊敬 了她。
　　平时客气的话，像「对不起，麻烦你，请你，你会介意吗．．谢谢你！」这些简短的话，能够减少人与人之间 的纠纷，同时也天然地表示出高尚的人格来。
　　让我们再举个例子：美国有名小说家「柯恩」，是个铁匠的儿子，他终生没有受过八年以上的教导，可是在他 逝世的时候，是世界上一位最富有的文人。
　　经过情形是这样的--柯恩喜欢诗词，所以他读尽了「罗赛迪」的诗。甚至他还写了一篇报告稿，歌唱罗赛迪兹术上的成就，并且还送了 一份给罗赛迪。罗赛迪根高兴，他作这样的表示：「一个年轻人，对我的才学有这样高明的看法，他一定很聪明。 」
　　罗赛迪就请这个铁匠的儿子来伦敦，当他的私家秘书。柯恩毕生的转折点，就在这时候。他在这个新的职位上 ，见到了许多当代的大文豪。受到他们的指点和激励，顺利的开展他写作的生活，才使他享名宇内。
　　他的家乡在格利巴堡，现在已是游览的圣地。他遗产有二百五十万元，可是谁会知道，如果他没有写那篇赞赏 名诗人的演讲稿，可能会大名鼎鼎,abercrombie，贫苦而去世。
　　这就是真诚，一股出自心坎的赞赏的力气。
　　罗赛迪认为他自己重要，那并不稀罕，几乎每个人都认为自己是最重要的一个国度也是如斯。
　　你是否感觉到，你比日自己优越？可是事实上，日本人以为他们自己，比你优越得多。如果一个保守的日本人 ，当他看到一个白种人，跟一个日本女人舞蹈时，他会感到非常气忿。
　　你以为你比印度人优越？你有权可以这样想，可是他们的感觉，就跟你完全相反。
　　你认为你比爱斯基摩人优越？，你当然可以这样想，可是你是不是想知道，爱斯基摩人对你的见解又如何呢？ 在他们的社会里，如果有个好逸恶劳，不务正业的人，爱斯基摩人指那种恶棍汉叫「白人」那是他们鄙弃人最苛刻 的话。
　　每一个国家都觉得比别的国家优越，这样就发生了爱国主义和战斗。
　　有一条最显明的真谛，就是你所遇到的任何人，简直每个人，都认为自己某方面比你优良。可是有一个方式， 可以深刻他的心底--就是让他觉得你承认他在自己的小天地里，是高珍贵要的，要真挚的否认。
　　别忘却爱默生所说的：「凡我所碰到的人，都有比我优胜的处所，而在那些方面，我能向他学习 。」
　　有些人刚感到自己有若干的成绩，就觉得骄傲，成果引起别人的恶感和憎厌。
　　莎士比亚曾经这样说过：「人，自豪的人，借着一点急促的才能，便在上帝眼前胡作妄为，使天使为之落泪。 」
　　我要告知你，对于我讲习班里，三个学生的故事。他们应用了这条原理，而取得了惊人的后果。第一个是康乃 铁克脱州的律师，他不乐意发表本人的名字，咱们就用R先生来取代
　　R君来我讲习班没有多久，有一天，他驾着汽车陪太太去长岛访问亲戚，他太太留下他陪亲戚老姑妈闲谈，自 已另外看别的亲戚去了。R君要把学习所得，作一次实地的利用，以便未来写篇讲演，于是他想从这位老姑妈身上 开端，所以他朝房子四处看了看，有那些是值得他赞赏的。
　　她问老姑妈：这栋房子是一八九O年建造的，是吗？」
　　「是的，」老姑妈回答：「恰是那年造的。」
　　他又说：这使我想起，我诞生的那栋房子--十分漂亮，修建也好。现在的人都不讲究这些了。」
　　「是的，」老姑妈点拍板：「当初年青人，已不讲求住难看的屋子，他们只须要一所小公寓，跟一座电冰箱， 再有就是一部汽车罢了。」
　　老姑妈怀着回忆的心境，柔柔的说：这是一栋幻想的房子这屋子是用「爱」所建造成的。我和我的丈夫，在建 造之前，已幻想了良多年。我们没有请修筑师，完整是我们自己设计的。」
　　老姑妈领着R君，去各房间参观。R君对她一生所珍重珍藏的各种珍品，像法国式床椅、一套古式的英国茶具 、意大利的名昼、和一幅曾经挂在法国封建时期宫堡里的丝帷，都真诚的加以夸奖。
　　R先生接着又说：「老姑妈带我参观房间过后，她又带我去车库，里面停着一辆很新的「派凯特」牌的汽车。 」
　　她微微说：这部车子，是我丈夫去世前未几买的--自从他去世后，我就再也没有坐
　　过--你爱观赏美丽的东西，我要把这部车子送给你！」
　　R君听到这话，感到很意外，婉转辞谢，说：「姑妈，我感谢妳的好心，可是我不能接受。我自己已经有了一 辆新的车子妳有很多更亲近的亲戚，相信他们会喜欢这部车子的。」
　　「亲戚!．」老姑妈进步了声音说：「是的，我有很多更亲热的亲戚，他们希望我赶紧离开这个世界，他们就 可以得到这部车子,monster beats tour by dr. dre，可是，他们永远得不到。」
　　R君说：「姑妈，你不乐意送给他们，可以把这部车子卖掉。」
　　「卖掉!．」老姑妈叫了起来：「你看我会卖掉这部车子？你想我会忍心看着生疏人驾着这部车子行驶在街上 ？这是我丈夫顺便替我买的，我做梦也不会想卖我愿意交给你，因为你理解如何欣赏一件美丽的东西 ！」
　　R君悠扬的辞谢，不愿接收她的赠送，可是他不能刺伤了老姑妈的情感。
　　这位老太太独自一个人，住在这栋宽阔的房子里，对着屋子里这些精巧、可贵的陈设，怀念若以 往的回忆--她盼望有一个人，跟她有同样的感触。她有过一段金色的年华，那时她美丽动听，为男士们所寻求。她建造了这栋 孕育着「爱」的房子，并且从欧洲各地，收集了许多珍品来加以陈设装璜。
　　现在这位老姑妈，风烟残年，孤零零的一个人，她盼望着能获得一点世间的暖和，一点出于真心 的讴歌--可是，却没有一个人给她。于是当她发明她找到的时候，就像沙漠中涌出一泓泉水来，使她心底冲动而感激，甚至 违心把这部「派凯特」牌的汽车相赠。
　　让我再举一个例子！这是纽约一位园兹设计家「麦克乌霍」，所说的经由情况：
　　「在我听了『如何交友和影响别人」的演讲后不久，我替一位著名的司法官设计园景。那位司法官出来提出他 的提议,monster beats by dr，在什么地方该栽种些什么花。
　　我说：『法官，你有很好的业余癖好--你那几条狗都很可恨，我据说你曾得过很屡次，赛狗会中的蓝丝带优等奖状。」
　　我这句话果然呈现了效果，那位司法官说：
　　『是的，我对养狗很感到兴致，你要不要参观我的狗舍．」
　　他费了差未几一个小时的时间，带我去看他的狗，和他所得的很多奖状。他拿出有关那些狗的血统系谱，告诉 我每条狗的血统--因为有优越的血统，所以他喂养的狗都活跃、可恶。
　　最后他问我：『你有没有小男孩？」
　　我告诉他有的。
　　他接着问我：『你孩子会不会喜欢小狗？」
　　我说：『嗯，是的，我信任他一定会爱好的。」
　　司法官摇头说：『那太好了，我送他一只。」
　　他告诉我如何豢养小狗，顿了顿他又说：『我这样告诉你，你很快就会忘了，让我写下来给你。」那位司法官 进去屋里，把他要送我的那头小狗的血统系谱和豢养的方法，用打字机很清晰的打了出来，而后给我一头价值百元 的小狗，同时还挥霍了他一小时又十五分钟宝
　　贵的时光。那是我对他的爱好和造诣，表示诚挚的赞美所获得的结果。」
　　柯达公司的伊斯曼，创造了透明胶片后，运动片子的摄制，才获得了真正的胜利，同时也使他获得了亿元的财 产，成为世界上一位著名的商人。他固然有这样巨大的成就，可是他仍旧跟你我一样，渴求着别人的 赞赏。
　　例如：数年前，伊斯曼在洛贾士德建造「伊斯曼音乐学校」，和「凯本剧场」。这个剧场是用来留念他母亲的 。纽约精美座椅公司经理「爱达森」，希望能承办该剧场里的座椅工程，他打了个电话给建筑师，约妥去洛贾士德 见伊斯曼。
　　爱达森到了那里，那位建造师说：「我晓得你想得到座椅的订货合同，不外我需要告诉你，伊斯曼工作极忙， 极严正，假如你用了他五分钟以上的时间，你就别盘算再做这一笔生意了。他岂但事件忙，性格也很大，所以我告 诉你，当你疾速的向他阐明来意后，就即分开他的办公室。」
　　爱达森听后，就筹备那样做。
　　他被引进一间办公室，看到伊斯曼正理首工作，在处置桌上一堆文件。伊斯曼见有人进来，抬开端摘下眼镜， 向建筑师和爱达森说：「两位早，有何见教？」
　　建筑师先容了他们意识后，爱达森说：
　　「伊斯曼先生，我很爱慕你的办公室。如果我领有像你这样一间办公室，我必定也很愉快在面工作。你知道我 是从事于室内木工营业的，我从不见过像这样一间英俊的办公室。」
　　伊斯曼回答说：
　　「谢谢你提示了我已差点忘了的事，这间办公室很漂亮是不是？当初这间办公室安排实现后，我确实异常喜欢 可是现在，由于我工作太忙，有时甚至于接连数礼拜，不会留神到这上面了。」
　　爱达森从前用手摸摸办公室的壁板，说：「这是不是英国橡木？它和意大利橡木的品德，稍有不 同」
　　伊斯曼回答说：「是的，这是入口的英国橡木，是一位专门研讨细木的友人，替我特殊筛选的。 」
　　接着，伊斯曼陪伴他，参观自己设计的室内摆设，包含木门，油漆颜色，和雕刻工等。
　　他们在一扇窗前停了下来，伊斯曼和气的表现，他要捐助给洛贾士德大学，和公破病院等」些钱，为社会尽一 点情意。爱达森真诚的恭贺他说，这是一桩古貌古心的慈悲义举。伊斯曼翻开玻璃橱的锁，掏出他从前买的第一架 摄影机--那是向一个英国人买下的发现品。
　　爱达森问他，当初如何开始他贸易上的挣扎和奋斗的？伊斯曼感叹的叙述他幼年时候的清苦情景--他守寡的母亲，开了一家出租 小公寓。他自己则在一家保险公司做小人员，每天只赚五毛钱。他因为受到饥寒所困，所以立志要耐劳斗争，省得 母亲辛苦至逝世。
　　爱达森又找些别的话题，而他自己却悄悄地听着！伊斯曼谈到他实验室的一段旧事上：他说他过去做试验的时 候，在办公室里花了终日的时间，有时候全部晚上--有时候，甚至穿起工作服，三日夜不能脱下来。
　　爱达森是上午十点十五分进伊斯曼办公室的，当时那位建筑师曾奉劝他，最多只能耽留五分钟，可是，一小时 ，两小时都过去了，他们依然在谈着。
　　最后，伊斯曼向爱达森说：「上次我去日本，买了几张椅子回来，我把它们放在阳台上，后来阳光把椅子上的 漆晒脱了，我买了些油漆回来自己漆你要不要看看我自己漆椅子的成就如何？对了，你来我家，我们一起吃午饭， 我让你看看。」
　　午饭后，伊斯曼把他漆的椅子拿给爱达森看--那些椅子，每张不会超过一块五毛钱，而事业上盈利亿元的伊斯曼，他却认为很骄傲，只由于那是他 自己漆的。
　　「凯本戏院」座椅这笔订货的总额是九万元。你猜，是谁得到了定货合同？除了爱达森外，还会 有其它人？
　　就从那时候开始，直到伊斯曼去世，他们始终坚持着极亲密的友情。
　　你我该从什么地方开始，实行这种巧妙的试金石？为什么不禁你自己的家庭开始呢？我不知道还有任何其它地 方更为需要或是更能疏忽。我相信你太太一定有她的优点，至少曾经有过，不然你不会娶她做妻子的。可是，你已 经有多久没有赞赏她的俏丽了？多久了？有多久了？
　　有一次，我在纽白伦斯维克的米拉密契河钓鱼，我茕居在加拿大森林的一个帐棚里。那里天天只能读到镇上出 版的一份报纸。或者是闲暇的时间太多了，我把这份报登载的每一个字，都具体的看过。有一天，我从报上「狄克 斯」婚姻领导一栏里，看到她的文章，写的无比好，我把它剪下保留起来。她那篇文章上这样指出，她说她已经听 厌了人们对新娘所讲的那此。？……。她以为应把新郎拉到一边，给他这些英明的倡议。
　　她的建议是：「不会花言巧语的别结婚，结婚前赞美女人，好像已是必定的事；可是在结婚以后给她赞美，那 也是一种必需具备的职事，婚姻不仅是讲老实还需要有外交的手段」。
　　如果你想每天过着快活、圆满的生涯，千万别责备你太太治家有不妥的地方，或者拿她和你的母亲，作毫无意 思的比拟。
　　反过来说，你应该赞扬她治家有方。而且还要有这样的表示，认为自己很荣幸，才得到了一位贤内助。如果她 把饭菜做坏了，几乎使你无奈进口，你也别埋怨，不妨作这样的暗示，今天的饭菜，没有过去那样可口。你太太有 你这样的暗示，她一定不顾 辛劳，直到使你满足为止。」
　　不要忽然就开始这样做，那会使你太太起怀疑的。
　　不妨今晚，或是来日晚上，替她买一束鲜花，或是一盒糖果--不要只是嘴上这样说：「是的，我应当这样做的。」还需要你实际的去做--给她一个温顺的微笑，加上几句甜美的话。如果做丈夫的，跟做太太的都能这样做，我不相信每六对的夫妇中，有 一对会要闹离婚。
　　你想知道，如何使一个女人爱上你？是的，这里就有一个秘诀，一定有效。这不是我想出来的，这是我从狄克 斯女士那里借来的。
　　有一次，这位狄克斯女士，去拜访一位已成为消息人物的「重婚者」。这人曾经失掉二
　　十三个女人的芳心，和她们银行里的存款(这里需附带解释的是，狄克斯女士是在监狱访问他的。)当狄克斯 女士问，他获得女人恋情的方法--他说并没有什么阴谋，你只有对女人议论她自己就行了。
　　这技巧用在男人身上；同样有效。英国一位最聪慧的首相狄瑞理说：「对一个男人念叨他自己的事，他会悄悄 的听数小时之久。」
　　所以，你要使别人喜欢你，第六项规矩是：
　　使别人感觉到他的主要--必须真诚的这样做