I HAVE no expertise for technical discussions regarding biodegradable fuels, and so could quite possibly be proposing hoopla here, but have scientists tested the feasibility of tapping into the vast wealth of alternative fuels currently sitting on the shelving of any discount chemist outlet? Yes, I am referring to the two-month-past-its-release-date Celebrity Perfume.
Chemistry students please stop me now before I get in too deep, but doesn't perfume contain alcohol? And doesn't alcohol burn? And doesn't the typical four-stroke engine run on a fuel which burns?
Am I a genius who has just stumbled upon a plan to ease the point at which we run out of oil, or am I … no, I am a genius, so I shall continue.
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Yes I know, there are alternative fuels available such as ethanol,
A1600电表, biodiesel and diesohol. All technically sound alternatives to petrol but, honestly, who uses ethanol apart from arts students?
No, simply replacing petrol with ethanol is missing the point. What is required is a fuel marketed to the rich, or those who want to look rich. We need fuel that is ######y.
Ethanol is not ######y. I have no idea what ethanol smells like, but from name alone I'd imagine it would smell of dank potatoes. Enter the Celebrity Perfume Fuel.
The vast quantities of Celebrity Perfumes available is ridiculous. Fair dinkum, can you believe Paris Hilton has over a dozen separately branded perfumes? Heiress, Passport Paris, Just Me, Just Me For Man. There must be a warehouse, somewhere, with litres and litres of Passport Paris sitting in giant vats, fermenting away, never to be sold.
So here is the sales pitch: who cannot imagine a 20-something girl in her European-badged coupe pulling up to a service station, drawing down the electric window, and seductively yelling out to the young male attendant ''Fill it up with Passport Paris honey, and can you check the tyres while you are at it!''.
And it is not just confined to young starlets pretending they are on the A-List either. I myself know that, had I won $20 on the horses, would initially reach for the standard petrol to then remember I was temporarily rich and therefore justified in switching to Just Me For Man.
Bob Brown, do you have a designer perfume I can fill up my tank with?
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