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We all imagine that making choices is a simple process. We see what's in front of us and we choose the best alternative. That's the access it goes in this choicemaking process.
But what if it were not that simple? Because, let's face it, people make the bad choices daily. The erroneous girlfriend! The wrong boyfriend! The wrong destination! The wrong colors, and so on.
Choicemaking is not as uncomplicated for it may seem. Smokers proceed to cigarette. Drinkers continue to nectar. Drug consumers continue to damage. If making alternatives was so simple, then none of the above problems would exist, would they?
Look at your own life for a few moments.
See if all your choices have been wise ones. Is there a reiterating choice occurring that still produces the same negative outcome? Why are you still making it?
When it comes to Life Choices, then we see that this process is not as simple as choosing the right sugarplum, or video, or other fashion of distraction.
Truly FREE choicemaking is based on Personal Characteristics, Prehistory and Personal Awareness.
How aware are you of your Prehistory to make sure why you may be making the same incorrect choices over and over again? Why does a matron continue to choose the same type of abusive male? Why does a man continually succomb to the definitions and appetites of others? There's no choice in such samples, only repeating patterns!
But the fact is: "There is choice!"
Choicemaking still goes on, even now it's outdoor our conscious awareness. A part of us is making choices based on - prehistory, old patterns or a familiar expectation like "I not get what I absence" or, something alike.
These are some of the common denominators of Prehistory.
As a baby you React to your environment. You adopt the Status Quo, that is, how things go in your home of origin. You make unconscious choices based aboard Survival Value. "If my father forever screams by me while I need something, then I won't "need" and won't ask anymore."
And you give up trying to obtain that Need Met! Repeat this a few dozen periods and watch how numerous asset you have given up. And worse, you start convincing yourself "you don't really need it!"
The extra dysfunctional your Family of Origin is, the more Reactive and Unconscious your choices tend to be. And this is the basis of all negative choices.
Very few people would Consciously choose a location or pattern with a vouched negative outcome. So called "common sense" is about hindsight and stating the obvious. The truth that so many choices are made at a subconscious level, repeals out any so-called prolific effects of "common sense." Common Sense isn't so common at the end of the day.
Patterns return. Familiarity seems safer. Only for these are known.
Making a choice for a better Life is tatamount to a Crisis. It certainly is a Crisis for the Part of You that makes your unconscious choices! Some cry this part your "survival side" or your "inner tyrant."
He, she, alternatively It, has a huge investment in maintaining Control. So you "nap off" or "go numb" when an important Critical Choice has to be made. You are still making a choice, merely you are "choosing not to choose." And the necessary choice is relegated to your Unconscious Self.
You "permit" this unconscious "protector/controller" self to make the choice for you. And then, you see the Same Old Negative Result. Once again confirming "You Are the Victim of Forces Beyond Your Control!"
What has to happen on a conscious level for this pattern to alteration?
"Know Thyself" is the key phrase here. And this is no small mandate. Even well trained Psychologists can have a tyrannical unconscious self to handle with.
It is critical to get to the bottom of this though. One has to see that those unconscious choices: a) exist and; b) no longer work. Whin a little while had survival merit, during childhood, has now become a loss to your healthy development as an adult.
We've all had occasion to say: "he's performing like a child again." Or, "I felt like a child who needed her mama." These are mutual enough experiences for all of us to relate to.
The Primary Sign of True Adult Development is Emotional Maturity.
This includes the ability to make choices based on the testify at hand, and not the "procedures" from one's prehistory. True Freedom comes when one's childhood, hurtful elapse is laid to repose.
Freedom comes when we take prop of ourselves and declare: "I'm making the determinations by and by - not my old Childhood Self - not my Abused and Frightened Self - not my Victim Self, or any part of me that came into creature ahead I could make conscious choices.
In a secure environment we grow up able of making informed choices. We are allowed to be ourselves.
In Dysfunctional Environments, Conscious Choicemaking is Absent.
We react. We resist. We counterattack. And we become passive- combative. We nail ourselves as martyrs, because we feel victimized. And we make limited, uninformed choices based on these stressful circumstances.
There's no such thing as a Free Choice here. Survival takes precendence. "What do I need do to survive this accent?" replaces "What choice would I like to make at this time?"
We come to deem that: "we are what is happening to us" - The Victim - The Abused One - The Abandonned One, and so on. Name your Poisonous Identity.
These are factual results of various types of domestic tyranny. There are hundreds of self-help paperbacks addressing each 1 of these results.
How do You Change a Reactive Choice to a Free Choice?
You chance conscious of who you are. Of what happened to you as a child, and what you need now to correct this.
You make Conscious Choices to better your life. You quest out resources that ambition assist you undo all these psychological and emotional knots. You Choose to open yourself up to the Inner You, the human you are, or could be, had none of the above happened.
You choose to get in touch with your full latent, and to clean out all the garbage that no longer belongs. You are choosing Your Freedom!
This Could Be A Long Process Indeed.
What's your option? To live out your life as a pattern of prepackaged responses that were triggered by others? Or, to live your life as it could be, given what you now know about cleaning up messes?
I made my commitment 40 annuals ago, and I still work at it. But it's not so hard anymore, and I have had some amusement along the way. I actually enjoyed untangling those knots.
As I needed certain things, they came according in one form or different, a agreeable Counselor, a Friend, many Great Books, an Inspiring Movie, and so on. As I educated to take liability and own my sensibilities, things enhanced. I amended. I got stronger. I benefitted from these conscious choices.
As I studied to overcome defeat and curtail negative self- references, I acquired self-esteem.
As I realized that a portion of me ( the dictator) seemed programmed to injure me, I took away its power and claimed it for myself.
This Is The Hero's Journey From Mythology.
Into the Heart of Darkness we go, past the Guard Dog "Cerebus" (inner tyrant) to regain our Essential Self (innocent inner child), and become what we can be.
It namely a long and laborious journey every once in a while, merely well value it in the end. I wouldn't commerce my voyage because anybody additional experience. That's the level of my commitment and the awards namely come with it.
Whatever it takes. Wherever I need to go. I'll do it. Because, I am worth it. AND SO ARE YOU!!!
Are you prepared to commit to the Full Expression of your Being? Then Let's Get Moving!
Maurice Turmel has a PHD in Counseling Psychology and was a practicing therapist for almost 25 years. Self-Help issues are dealt with regularly in his every month Ezine "The Self-Help Advisor." Dr. Turmel likes to use parable stories to illuminate important points. He has authored 3 books and is also a acting composer. He can be reached through his Website at: