ck Shen Ke Log ( 67-75 )

12 / 4 (2006/12/04)

I do not mind the fact you do not love me.

I do not idea the fact I do not love you.

I do not mind if you lie to me.

I do not mind if I lie to you.

I do not mind you have a few women.

friends that I do not mind me narcissism.

I do not mind what kind of person you are.

I do not even need to know any of your things.



just because you are willing to attach me that day a small conversation.

just because you always ask if I have to eat, sleep good.

just because you suddenly say to me.

just because you told me nice night before going to mattress I love you.

just because your eyes For a moment it looks like him.


I am willing,
with you.

and quietly maintain this relationship.
noiselessly like you. 12/11 (2006/12/11)

start overeating.
dine many, many things.
stone bombard when the pain can be dragged desperately grabbed all things.
complete afflict vowed not eat on their own,
do not let emotions control desire.
still the same the next day.

I'm hungry.
really hungry.
hungry.
matter much my stomach was stuffed full of even make it, take the acidic water.
still hungry.

I can not stand this starve.

morn, a.m., midday, p.m.,Lacoste Observe Strap Shoes, nightfall, night, night, early morning.
by the time the repose down, I have to keep looking for edible to fill his own.
fruit yogurt cheese biscuit cake cookies comfit sweet chestnut Phi Sasha La Pine
hand ample to get all the food
all regardless of whether nationalistic to eat the sweet before the
all eat salty.

strictly prohibited by doctors to dodge greasy.
so it should be secure.


work to go back in the door smoking, Margaret Chabot them. Xie Wen
be met.
literally yelling.
say how do you squatting here. Fast, fast, stand up.
seems like this narcotic, oh.

I stood up, looked at her dizziness.
she began to entanglement.

I had to return to squatting on the ground, suddenly peppery death. Xie Wen
I looked up to her gently that you do not talk to me now please.
her mouth suddenly stopped, a little surprised,Lacoste Arin Patent Shoes, embarrassed and looked at me and said, oh.
then walked away.


night to activity billiards.
feel back.

bath family, alternatively be careful no apt touch the chest.
breast ring eventually hear to the crab, pick up.
repeated abscess.
white when I hurt.
dry.

tongue swelling was finally complete.
good.
good.
others like a week, I literally spent two months. Another World (2006/12/15)

seems that some people suddenly pressed the radio button.
all noisy abruptly stopped.
calm around to some deformation.



someone jumped down from upstairs.

like a flesh and blood filled the antique doll, was thrown from a height at random.
lumbering across an arc, to publish a dim sound when falling objects.
without warning.
peculiar situation to stretch the floor.


he tried to push the body.
attempting to point the sound issue.
his mouth wide open so big.
but only to elevator the heavy hand with all his strength.
slow and misrepresented arched fingertips, you absence to wipe clean a Unit at one time the mouth of black blood.
a moment his face looks like a child eating candy in the mouth after touching the side of the syrup, when the naive and greedy to ask her mother to the second teeth as candy.

side of his head slightly prejudiced.
body like a cloud of beef gone bad perception, stationary.
This seems at odds.
like sub-home two unrelated things, rigidly connected together.

and emits dingy red fluid, this time with some sticky material.
and head approximately the splash, and likewise extend the spread of shine red liquid, the formation of sunny compare.

his face no longer have that child.
make love like a man she nice behind that moment. Ferocious and barbaric.
cornered over the polluted looks, in a curious aptitude to quickly quake. Then quickly disabling.

he once again tried to sound.
this little success.
he sent in a hoarse and staying sadness. Rolling sound in the throat.
hand is still headstrong in his mouth mechanically polished.

Adam's apple is about imperceptible twitch a few times.
his exertions to restore some perception seems, but to no avail.
these organs do not like in this moment of his own.
also or too painful, he even can not supply to moan.

expression back again a few seconds before wiping his mouth that syrup children.
like a babe and her mother did not like to receive due candy, furious, and exhausted as.
slowly closed his eyes.



sound back.
walls of sound from the car, far cries of hawkers
conversation sound, scream, cry condemning the formation of a humming web, accompanied at overwhelming the eardrum.

a patient stuck his head out the window upstairs, pointing to the concrete floor under the man, hee titter.
flew over a patient, while screams, then your eyes wide open, his face was no track of fear, pretentiously called the nurse.
withdrew to the tree side of a patient, crouched big mouth retching up. While angrily swore insolent words.
a patient playing with clothes, lazily to the side with a peek, like just have somebody step on a rotten orange, as then deadpanned back to continue basking in the sun to concentrate on fiddle with dressing or jewelry line.


several doctors with nurses and medical staff upstairs carrying a stretcher down.
fast, calm, even with Jisi impatience.


people suddenly began to ascend.

then I have been a couple of warm hands and blindfolded.
mind a blank.









I natty these days to see.


teams of young people, old squatting listlessly waiting outside the dark room, waiting to receive psychiatric hospital dispose are free in the house every day with a limited distribution of methadone.
I stood at the entrance so with canoes.
the nearest man, wearing only a thin cotton shirt, sleeves rolled up, casually rubbing the eye of a needle full of the arm. Grimace in pain.
I like the knee-jerk, according to constrict his arm.
two people looked up at me and asked me which one is not fashionable to nurses.
I shook my head.
they whistled.


3 floor.
a drooling looks handsome boy holding a muddle of graffiti on the pill ran, giggling wildly at me to show off.
even boats on the boy next to the gaunt woman say hello.
await for them to go away, quietly told me that it was the boy's mama.
chap was 17 annuals old, was once the city's focus on tall school gifted students. Parents are campus professors. Scholarly.
university entrance examination, exam, then overnight schizophrenia.
IQ becomes 5 years old.

a few clothes to wear blue and white stripes and white middle-aged men get together patients,
squeeze in a ward of the skylight, punch people on the emulating site hanging Rengzhao soft plastic water flasks.
sent waves snapped Jianxiao.

an old man rickets back, sitting in the passageway in the eclipses,Womens Lacoste Shoes, motionless.
mouth slightly open, and occasionally red passing nurse suck suck saliva.

an old matron in our down time and slide away from us,
turn around and stumble to follow us.
so dull eyes when we look back at us whisper prayers, yet also like talking to himself.

face with a little joy.
She has been with us about the car, until the nurses arm back.
still kept back at us, his mouth still kept saying,
like in a bright afternoon, quietly cautioning neighbors remember this like home Clothesline.



keep people die.
They told me a few weeks ago, was watching television together when there is a dangling patients accidentally stop the back people's attention.
the back of a patient suddenly stood up and he took that step stools were smashed down desperately back of the head.

died a death.


They told me there was a beauteous youth woman, committed suicide numerous times due to a failed catch on, attempted.
nervous collapse. Sent in.
months from without kin and friends to visit her.
she did not speak to anyone. Refused to take medication injections.
crazy, for each of the doctors and nurses come in throwing things.

nurse in a morning meal and found her body yet cold.
curled in pearly bed. Wiping his face with thick rouge.
side wall with a marker filled with her lover's appoint.


they told me ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...




rare winter temperatures rise.
I sat in the car, open the window, his eyes looking out the hustle and bustle of the avenues in the sun sparkling with tiny dust molecules.
tears slowly streaming down.

flow it, so I continue to cry.
until clean the dust on the retina,
eyes so that I can look extra apparently.


this empty world.
12/17 (2006/12/17)

or do not want to explain. Or do not explain.
I suddenly felt that I once again became the story that the shepherd children.
who lie to you. Just because you leave me terrified.
to really turn over time, but always because of some remaining testify can not be trusted never ever had.

could have been good.


you go to a area where I work, my colleagues and say hello.
summer aggregate approximately your meal, you laughed and told him I wanted him to take oversight, not euthanasia.

these days you gave me several Dayton cook supper.
these days each night I go with fortuitous one-hour step.

you sit in my room with my computer read the newspaper.

calmly in the living room we talk about future things.
not deadlocked, not arguing.
I differentiate you I ambition go hard. Not let you down.
you say your baby is the best. You want to shop for her one of the maximum faultless way.
I've forever angry Why did you and mom are like freeze-frame my future.
But that moment, I suddenly felt what I can accept.
at all times you say, I am compliant to listen.

we watch television together.
your arm around my elbow.
as gently as a child holding my hand.

my hand and your like. Bone strange.
the wide palm, fingers are long, skinny wrist to death.

you say that I lost, I bought you to give to eat of. You ask what I like. You ask what I want.
you say I grew up, the fall in adore. I want to ask you what kind of boyfriend.

I suddenly think I talked to a disappointing love.
when you are in my home.
I constantly spit back drunk at night.
medium of the night sitting on the bed roar.
you beat the door for a long time, I was open.
night you hug me. Tightly. Also as they are immediately holding my hand. Suddenly I feel a mini
was not bad. Why do I even forgot to cry.
but tears still fall.
then slowly fell dormant.
woke up the next day when I so afraid of you angry with me.
kid are not allowed to fall in love you said. You said very bad boy.

tin shriek me while you do not. You did not say that entity another.

I even secretly cheerful.
your mother will not like.
only in front of me, you can be so moderate.
is not it?





But today, you ascertain that my room had a sack of empty needle.
in the night, ashen face you hold it, throw in front of me.

I sat in the alive chamber sofa Leng Leng saw up by you.
said not a word.
I want to say I did not, I want to tell you not what you muse of.
whom can I think I grabbed the throat like. What did not.
chest Mende death.

you like a another person. Like her mother did.
coldly, dissatisfied, looked at me sarcastically.
you did not speak.
seems decisive everything.

I had to stand up and slowly waded back to his room, it is hard to shut the gate.
somehow temper.

aunt asked me to dinner, I should not.
aunt said I heard you forget, do not control her.
I heard you say you want to go back tomorrow. You busy.
You said quietly have seen the look, it appears that she still the same. With her go. The total grew up.

I began the microprocessor spokesman was very noisy.
listening to loud music.
diary.
kept in an vacant document written on a long, long journal.
the same as the talk daily.
write this and unravel it.
then deleted.

my abdomen began to impair.
today 16. Later than 10 days.
duration suddenly come.
I sat in a chair clutching his stomach.
the room without sanitary linens.

I do not go out.
do not want to see you.
do not want to speak to you.
not help you do everything better I feel hopeless illusion.
even if I did not.
I did not. 71 Re: An idea [CK] C, k small anger all the log record (2006/12/18)

(2006-12-17 17:50:16) ck
I got home, and you want to send me Shaa, hurry
(2006-12-17 17:50:29) Cretaceous
finally came
(2006-12-17 17:50:34) Cretaceous
waiting for you a long time
(2006-12-17 17:58:04) ck
how?
(2006-12-17 18:02:30) Cretaceous
then quickly fast

slow death of distinct girl
(2006-12-17 18:02: 46) ck
! Not allowed to call me then!
(2006-12-17 18:02:57) c.k
this is what?
(2006-12-17 18:03:09) Cretaceous
obviously `is operating
(2006-12-17 18:03:17) ck
SO?
(2006-12-17 18:04:11) receive the file stored in the Cretaceous
E: zs temp direcotry 06 12-17 18:05:34) Cretaceous
then finished?
(2006-12-17 18:05:47) ck
Well, I opened
(2006-12-17 18:07:09) Cretaceous
mecamylamine days to obtain it today ?
(2006-12-17 18:07:20) c.k
. . So
you want me to do?
(2006-12-17 18:08:05) Cretaceous
to help me finish it

yesterday I did not nectar too much time to slumber one day ``
forgotten today, Tuesday have to pay `` Ai
(2006-12-17 18:08:12) ck
... ... you do go! ! Talent! ! !
(2006-12-17 18:08:45) Cretaceous
is not buddies? ! Shen Ke
(2006-12-17 18:09:04) ck
I do not know you!
(2006-12-17 18:09:35) Shangxiajiu Cretaceous
final saw a pair of boots imitation of the Nazi `` AI `` You want to buy it ``
to 3000 `` I retention more memory to your brother is not easy to `` more than 3,000 sets have enough to buy ######y lingerie girl a ``
(2006-12-17 18:11:01) ck
do not need!
(2006-12-17 18:11:16) Cretaceous
and? Wings hard! You come back again so I leave you with no play, ah!
(2006-12-17 18:11:22) ck
- - | | do you coil into the far point.
(2006-12-17 18:11:35) Hi `Cretaceous
grandmother did not give a long call, ah `` `` comes back is the call call and talk to her a `` good
scrapbook that you are? New boyfriend? Hey ``
(2006-12-17 18:11:44) c.k
. . I do.
long cross
(2006-12-17 18:11:57) Cretaceous
before tomorrow night Tuesday,Lacoste Tourelle Shoes, would pay a `` `` I-on course
today you boil all night I get that done to give the best
(2006-12-17 18:12:14) ck
I'll go to work na! ! You're outrageous, right! !
so much! ! ! !
(2006-12-17 18:12:49) Do not make a fuss
Cretaceous
you do not tell you to read a good read ``
brother now give you meaningful things to do this you ``
(2006-12-17 18:13:23) ck
... ...
(2006-12-17 18:13:31) ck
do by the time that partition is not PS
(2006-12-17 18:14:55) Cretaceous
be changing for the better in front of the 3 `PS ``
we do is a week-on 2 12:00 - 1: 40, at 12:10 only ten minutes before the Q
before tomorrow, so you have to 1st send me ``
(2006-12-17 18:15:18) ck
en
(2006-12-17 18:16:32) Cretaceous
ten minutes did not pass over I hung up
(2006-12-17 18:16:46) ck
know! ! ,Lacoste Radiate Croc Shoes! ! ! ! ! ! !
(2006-12-17 18:18:51) Cretaceous
good `` you help me to last that Frontpage is also done right?
(2006-12-17 18:19:08) c.k
. . You do not move for too much ah Shen Yun Bo! ! ,Buy Lacoste Shoes! !
(2006-12-17 18:21:26) I will must lower Cretaceous
a `` hand in papers when the teacher said, the first four operations on FP which, onward with her, since she inside look at
(2006-12-17 18:23:00) there are PS jobs Cretaceous
your own assignment ought also jot down the steps to do ah

memorize all the so I beneath ``
(2006-12-17 18:24:58) ck
. . .
(2006-12-17 18:25:29) Cretaceous
remember ah `` `` faster delivery
Tuesday will not let me hanging branches or another I come back buffet
You




... ...
... ...
So I started screaming in pain for help on QQ
I forgot to tell Bo Shen Yun PS Actually, I was an moron.

truly good thanks to Q, and more.
after 4 hours tossing good people help me in this damn job done.
and the ultimate decision in which filthy images sent to Bo Shen Yun instructor.

completed.

I tired.
determined to sleep a sleep forget my rage. Author: ≠ ___ thus of


2008-8-24 09:11 Reply to this expression
72 Re: An fancy [CK] C, k always log 12.19 (2006/12/19)

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I changed.
the change, ah.
been changed ah.
been desperately to change.
according to the memory of your way to change.
like you.
brave. Pure.
of you as I would like to chance.
so that we never appear to detach before.
half a year.
half a year.
6 passes fjust about long so long.
everything changed.
everything changed.

changed to one day wake up I do not recognize myself.
not recognize you.

my eyes or acid to necrosis.
I suddenly so so lonesome. So then I think you
.
every day.

these changes so I lost all trust.
me with nothing.
my self-confidence.
my firm.
me a sense of inferiority to death. I feel pile up I can not liken to whichever person.
matter how I constantly meet new people, new friends, new sweethearts.
the outside world.
each person's smile is so dazzling.
so dazzling.
so clean. Even the sorrowful, also.
like you like the native.
like you.

I ignored chaos and terror.
cope with all those strange.
make themselves busy.
I am a person.
I am a person.

but I do not want that day to bring you again to anybody.
I even deleted all those who know your friends.


I can only speak against the diary.
said I wanted to say.
on time.
today.
This is nothing.
This is nothing.

I looked at your photos, trembling and kissed your photos.
I am crying tears did not visualize the whole neb wipe on the sleeve.
side and Xiao Han speak.
speak. Speak.
addition to her I do not know and who I have the courage to speak.
In increase to her that I do not know who to believe me.
at fewest she said the letter.
believe me, she said.
there is a human believe me.
she would not smile at me.
she is willing to listen to me.


I can endure more damage.
dad, mother. People around.
I accept and comprehend the love of these injuries.
but I made a fault.
one second I let myself tranquility down.
I began to think of you.
so everything collapsed.

everything collapsed.
everything collapsed.
everything collapsed.
everything collapsed.
everything collapsed.
everything collapsed.
everything collapsed.
anything collapsed.
everything collapsed.
everything collapsed.


I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.
I can not come to naught ah.

dead can no longer go back.
not a.
not a.
I want to hold back.
I want to hold back.
I want to clutch back.
I want to hold back.

tomorrow is coming.
immediately passed today.
now passed.
soon enough.
soon enough.
soon enough.
soon enough.
soon enough.
soon enough.
soon enough.
soon enough.
soon enough.
soon enough.
soon enough.
soon enough.

morrow came.
I put this damn preposterous, no want stuff deleted.