· And that stress response provides more wear-and-tear on the body because of the elevated heart rate, increased blood pressure, clenched muscles or jaw, decreased digestive functions – all of the components of the stress response. This in turn makes us more distracted, and more likely to make mistakes that will cost you time and anxiety…and so it goes, on and on.
You can be much smarter, too, if you simply breathe and focus on the present before moving into the future.
A client of mine, whom I will call Jan, left work to deliver her children to her ex-husband for the weekend. As she drove, she rehearsed the upcoming conversation with her ex. From experience, she knew the talk would be upsetting, as he was often very critical of her, so she braced herself in advance by making up retorts. She was halfway to his home in another town, when she realized she had forgotten to pick up the kids at daycare!
· Learn to breathe deeply and slowly all the way down into your belly, taking at least 3 counts to inhale and 3 counts to exhale. Doing this simple breathing exercise even 3 or 4 times will slow down your heart rate and lower your blood pressure, giving you a sense of well-being.
· They cost us extra time as we return for the package, hunt for the car, or retrace our steps to discover what it was we were looking for. Or, in Jan’s case, returning to pick up the kids.
· They take us through the stress of an emotional situation, such as Jan’s conversation with her ex, before it has even happened. Then we go through it again, during the actual event. Every time we “rehearse” a stressful event that we believe is going to happen, we put our body through the full stress response.
Stress makes you stupid. It sooner or later makes all of us stupid. I can prove it. So can you.
He was so surprised that he didn’t answer, as she said goodbye to the kids.
These little glitches may seem humorous in retrospect but they cost us.
Walking into a room and then wondering why you are there is not just an affliction of seniors – it happens to busy people all the time. And a friend of mine reports that she once was talking on the phone and at the same time searching frantically for the things she would need to conduct her next phone call – including the telephone, which was, of course, in her hand.
What can a busy person do about this phenomenon? Stop assuming that if you could just organize your time better, you would have less stress. Think instead that reducing your stress might just give you more time.
The problem is that our minds are often leaping head to the future – the post office or the appointment –so we are unaware of our present circumstances.
Think back to the last time you rushed get to the post office before it closed to mail a package,
karen millen dresses, only to discover when you got there that the package was back on your desk; or rushing to an appointment, you parked your car, and then came back later to discover you couldn’t remember where you had parked it. Be honest – how many times has this happened to you?
· Recognize when you are “writing scripts” in advance, particularly for other people. The other person doesn’t necessarily know the script you have in your head, and may surprise you by responding in a way that throws you off balance because you are so rigidly fixed on one scenario. As Jan learned, if you simply relax and deviate from what you think is a fixed script, the outcome may surprise you – in a pleasant way.
Here’s how you do it:
An advanced version of this problem occurs when we are not just rushing towards the future and neglecting little details in the present (such as picking up the package before leaving). In this version, we neglect details because we are writing an elaborate script in our heads about what is going to happen next. We already believe we know what will happen, what the other person we are going to meet will say, and what the outcome will be. Our minds gets so busy writing and rehearsing this script for the future that we make ridiculous mistakes.
Instead, Jan drove to a coffee shop, ordered her favorite drink, put up her feet, called me, and said gleefully, “I did it. I was smart for once.”
· Use this deep breathing particularly when you are making transitions:
leaving a room or building, switching from one task to another. At the point when you are about to switch, take a deep breath, pause and ask yourself, “What do I need to take with me for this next task?” Make this a habit.
One of the consequences of assuming in advance that you know what is going to happen, and how other people will respond, is that you can make it a reality. If Jan had snapped, “You know I can’t help it when the traffic is bad, so why do you always criticize me?” He would have felt compelled to respond in an equally tense manner, and they would have been off on a familiar route once again.
You see, when Jan learned to breathe deeply on that long drive, and concentrate on what she was doing in the present (which was, incidentally, driving on a dark freeway), she stopped imagining the conversation in advance. The consequence was that when her ex-husband greeted her at the door and remarked critically on the fact that she was a few minutes late, she took that deep breath and, instead of replying defensively, said, “You know, I don’t want to hold this kind of conversation anymore. It doesn’t seem to go anyplace, so let’s not do it.”
How Stress Makes You Stupid …and what you can do
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