He looked up at Ravna, remembering everything he'd thought about her. Back on Relay she'd seemed bright; maybe not smarter than he, but as smart as most competitors of the Qeng Ho. But there were other memories, how Old One had seen her. As usual, His memories were overwhelming; about this one woman, there was more insight than from all Pham's life experience. As usual, it was mostly unintelligible. Even His emotions were hard to interpret. But ... He had thought of Ravna a little like ... a favored dog. Old One could see right through her. Ravna Bergsndot was a little manipulative; He had been pleased/amused(?) by that fact. But behind her talk and argument, He'd seen a great deal of ... "goodness" might be the human word. Old One had wished her well. In the end, He had even tried to help. Insight flitted past him, too fast to catch. Ravna was talking again: "What happened to you is terrible enough, Pham, but it's happened to others. I've read of cases. Even the Powers are not immortal. Sometimes they fight among themselves, and someone gets killed. Sometimes, one commits suicide. There's a star system, Gods' Doom it's called in the story: A million years ago, it was in the Transcend. It was visited by a party of the Powers. There was a Zone surge. Suddenly the system was twenty light-years deep in the Beyond. That's about the biggest surge there is firm record of. The Powers at Gods' Doom didn't have a chance. They all died, some to rot and rusted ruin ... others to the level of mere human minds." "W-what became of those?" She hesitated, took one of his hands between hers. "You can look it up. The point is, it happens. To the victims, it's the end of the world. But from our side, the human side.... Well,
复件 (78) air max, the human Pham Nuwen was lucky; Greenstalk says the failure of Old One's connections didn't do gross organic damage. Maybe there's subtle damage; sometimes the remnants just destroy themselves, whatever is left." Pham felt tears leaking from his eyes. And knew that part of the deadness inside had been grief for His own death. "Subtle damage,
复件 (59) air max1!" He shook his head and the tears drifted into the air. "My head is stuffed with Him,
08 Core Synergistics, with His memories." Memories? They towered over everything else. Yet he could not understand them. He could not understand the details. He could not even understand the emotions, except as inane simplifications -- joy, laughter, wonder, fear and icy-steel determination. Now, he was lost in those memories, wandering like an idiot in a cathedral. Not understanding, cowering before icons. She pivoted around their clasped hands. After a moment,
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复件 (83) air max1, her knee bumped gently against his. "You're still human, you still have your own --", her own voice broke as she saw the look in his eyes. "My own memories?" Scattered amid the unintelligible he would stumble on them: himself at five years, sitting on the straw in the great hall, alert for the appearance of any adult; royals were not supposed to play in the filth. Ten years later, making love to Cindi for the first time. A year after that,
复件 (77) air max, seeing his first flying machine, the orbital ferry that landed on his father's parade field. The decades aspace. "Yes, the Qeng Ho. Pham Nuwen, the great Trader of the Slowness. All the memories are still there. And for all I know, it's all the Old One's lie, an afternoon's fraud to fool the Relayers." Ravna bit her lip, but didn't say anything. She was too honest to lie, even now.
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