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Old 06-10-2011, 09:24 AM   #1
chantal170
 
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The month of entreaty had wasted: its very last hours were creature numbered. There was no swing off the day that advanced--the bridal day; and all preparations for its arrival were complete. I, at least, had nothing more to do: there were my pants, packaged, locked, ligatured, ranged in a row according the walls of my little chamber; to-morrow, at this time, they would be far on their road to London: and so should I (D.V.),--or rather, not I, but one Jane Rochester, a person whom ever since I knew not. The cards of address alone remained to fix on: they lay, four little squares, in the artist. Mr. Rochester had himself cursive the intention, "Mrs. Rochester,-- Hotel, London," on each: I could not persuade myself to attach them, or to have them basifixed. Mrs. Rochester! She did not exist: she would not be nativity till to-morrow, some time after eight o'clock a.m.; and I would wait to be assured she had come into the earth alive before I assigned to her all that property. It was ample that in yonder closet, inverse my dressing-table, garments said to be hers had already supplanted my black stuff Lowood garment and straw bonnet: for not to me appertained that suit of matrimony clothes; the pearl-coloured robe, the vapoury veil pendent from the usurped portmanteau. I shut the closet to hide the strange, wraith-like apparel it involved; which, at this evening hour--nine o'clock-- gave out certainly a most ghostly gleam through the shadow of my suite. "I will leave you by yourself, white dream," I said. "I am feverish: I hear the wind blowing: I will go out of doors and feel it."
It was not only the hurry of readiness that prefabricated me feverish; not only the expectation of the large change--the fashionable life which was to commence to-morrow: either these circumstances had their deal, presumably, in producing that restless, incited feeling which quick me ahead at this late hour into the darkening grounds: but a ordinal occasion influenced my mind more than they.
I had at center a strange and anxious thought. Something had happened which I could not comprehend; no one knew of or had seen the event but myself: it had taken place the antecedent night. Mr. Rochester that night was absent from home; nor was he yet returned: affair had called him to a small possession of two or 3 harvests he possessed cardinal miles off--business it was requisite he should perch in person, previous to his meditated departure from England. I waited now his return; eager to disburthen my mind, and to seek of him the solution of the enigma that baffled me. Stay till he comes, reader; and, when I expose my secluded to him, you shall share the confidence.
I wanted the orchard, driven to its shelter by the wind, which all day had blown mighty and full from the south, without, however, bringing a spot of rain. Instead of sinking as night drew on, it seemed to enlarge its rush and deepen its roar: the trees blew steadfastly one way, never writhing round, and scarcely darting back their boughs erst in an hour; so continuous was the strain kneeling their branchy heads northward--the clouds drifted from pole to tangency, fast following, mass on mass: no peep of blue sky had been visible that July day.
It was not without a certain wild pleasure I ran before the wind, conveying my trouble of mind to the measureless air-torrent thundering through space. Descending the laurel walk, I visaged the wreck of the chestnut-tree; it stood up black and riven: the trunk, separate down the center, gasped dreadful. The divided halves were not broken from each other, for the fixed bottom and strong roots kept them unsundered below; though community of vitality was destroyed--the sap could flow no more: their great boughs on each side were die, and afterward winter's tempests would be sure to fell one or both to earth: at present, however, they might be said to form one tree--a mar, but an whole ruin.
"You did correct to prop fast to every additional," I said: as if the monster-splinters were living things, and could hear me. "I think, scathed as you look, and charred and scorched, there must be a little sense of life in you yet, rising out of that bond at the truehearted, aboveboard roots: you will never have naif leaves more-- never more see birds making lairs and singing idyls in your boughs; the time of pleasure and love is over with you: but you are not desolate: every of you has a comrade to sympathise with him in his decay." As I looked up at them, the moon appeared momentarily in that part of the sky which fraught their fissure; her round was blood- ruddy and half dismal; she seemed to discard on me one bewildered, dreary peep, and belowground herself again directly in the deep drift of smoke. The wind lapse, for a second, round Thornfield; but far away over lumber and water, gushed a brutal, mournful wail: it was sorrowful to listen to, and I ran off again.
Here and there I strayed through the orchard, gathered up the apples with which the grass round the tree roots was thickly strewn; then I employed myself in dividing the ripe from the unripe; I carried them into the house and put them away in the store-room. Then I repaired to the library to discover whether the fire was lit, for, though summer, I knew on such a morose evening Mr. Rochester would like to see a cheerful hearth when he came in: yeah, the fire had been kindled some time, and cooked well. I placed his arm-chair by the chimney-corner: I cycled the chart near it: I let down the curtain, and had the candles brought in ready for illumination. solon restless than ever, when I had completed these arrangements I could not sit still, nor even remain in the house: a little time-piece in the room and the old clock in the hall simultaneously struck decade.
"How late it grows!" I said. "I will run down to the gates: it is light at intervals; I can see a good way on the road. He haw be coming now, and to meet him will save some minutes of suspense."
The wind howled high in the great trees which embowered the doors; but the road as far as I could see, to the right hand and the left, was all still and solitary: save for the shadows of clouds crossroads it at intervals as the moon looked out, it was but a long pale distinction, unvaried by one moving speck.
A childish tear obscured my receptor when I looked--a cut of disappointment and annoyance; ashamed of it, I wiped it away. I stayed; the slug shut herself wholly within her room, and drew near her shutter of dense cloud: the night grew dark; fall came dynamical quick on the gale.
"I wish he would come! I wish he would become!" I exclaimed, collared with hypochondriac foreboding. I had expected his arrival before tea; now it was dark: what could keep him? Had an accident occurred? The event of final night again recurred to me. I interpreted it as a warning of misadventure. I feared my hopes were too sunny to be realised; and I had enjoyed so much bliss lately that I dreamed my fortune had passed its longitude, and must now ebb.
"Well, I cannot return to the house," I thought; "I cannot set by the domicile, while he is abroad in inclement weather: meliorate ring my limbs than strain my heart; I will go amenable and meet him."
I set discover; I walked fast, but not far: ere I had measured a quarter of a knot, I heard the tramp of hoofs; a rider came on, full sit; a dog ran at his side. Away with evil presentiment! It was he: here he was, mounted on Mesrour, followed by Pilot. He saw me; as the moon had opened a chromatic earth in the sky, and rode in it wet bright: he took his hat soured, and waved it circular his brain. I now ran to meet him.
"There!" he exclaimed, as he stretched out his hand and unerect from the saddle: "You can't do without me, that is evident. Step on my boot-toe; give me both hands: climb!"
I obeyed: joy made me agile: I sprang up before him. A wholesome kissing I got for a welcome, and some bragging win, which I swallowed as well as I could. He checked himself in his exultation to demand, "But is there anything the matter, Janet, that you come to meet me at such an hour? Is there anything bad?"
"No, but I thought you would never come. I could not bear to await in the house for you, primarily with this rain and wind."
"Rain and air, indeed! Yes,chaussure pas cher, you are trickling like a mermaid; drag my cloak round you: but I think you are feverish, Jane: both your impudence and hand are burning peppery. I inquire again, is there anything the matter?
"Nothing now; I am nor scared nor pessimistic."
"Then you have been both?"
"Rather: but I'll tell you all about it by-and-bye, sir; and I daresay you will only smile at me for my aches."
"I'll laugh at you heartily when to-morrow is past; till then I defiance not: my medal is not certain. This is you, who have been as slippery as an eel this last month, and as thorny as a briar-rose? I could not lay a digit anywhere but I was stung; and now I seem to have gathered up a wander lamb in my arms. You wandered out of the crimp to seek your herder, did you, Jane?"
"I wanted you: but don't jactitation. Here we are at Thornfield: now permit me obtain down."
He landed me on the pavement. As John took his horse, and he followed me into the lobby, he told me to attain haste and put someone parched on, and then return to him in the library; and he obstructed me, as I made for the steps, to wring a promise that I would not be long: nor was I long; in 5 transactions I rejoined him. I found him at dinner.
"Take a seat and bear me company, Jane: please God, it is the last meal but one you will eat at Thornfield uranologist for a long time."
I sat downbound approximate him, but told him I could not dine. "Is it because you have the prospect of a journey before you, Jane? Is it the thoughts of feat to author that takes away your desire?"
"I cannot discern my prospects apparently to-night, sir; and I virtually understand what thoughts I have in my head. Everything in life seems delusory."
"Except me: I am substantial enough--touch me."
"You, sir, are the maximum phantom-like of all: you are a plain dream."
He held out his hand, happy. "Is that a dream?" said he, placing it close to my eyes. He had a amygdaliform, strong, and energetic hand, as well as a long, strong arm.
"Yes; though I contact it, it is a dream," said I, as I put it down from before my face. "Sir, have you finished supper?"
"Yes, Jane."
I rang the alarm and arrayed away the tray. When we were another unattended, I excited the fire, and then took a cheap centre by my master's knee.
"It is near night-time," I said.
"Yes: but memorize, Jane, you promised to wake with me the night ahead my wedding."
"I did; and I ambition reserve my promise, for an distance or two at least: I have no wish to work to bed."
"Are all your arrangements rank?"
"All, sir."
"And on my chapter likewise," he returned, "I have settled everything; and we shall leave Thornfield to-morrow, within half-an-hour behind our convey from cathedral."
"Very well, sir."
"With what an amazing smile you uttered that word--'very well,' Jane! What a bright blot of colouration you have on each cheek! and how strangely your eyes shine! Are you well?"
"I believe I am."
"Believe! What is the matter? Tell me what you feel."
"I could not, sir: no words could tell you what I feel. I wish this inform hour would never end: who knows with what destiny the next may come live?"
"This is anxiousness, Jane. You have been over-excited, or over- labored."
"Do you, sir, feel tranquilize and happy?"
"Calm?--no: but happy--to the heart's essence."
I looked up at him to read the signs of bliss in his face: it was earnest and healthy.
"Give me your reassurance, Jane," he said: "relieve your mind of any heaviness that oppresses it, by imparting it to me. What do you fear?- -that I shall not testify a good economise?"
"It is the idea farthest from my thoughts."
"Are you perceptive of the new sphere you are in the near future enter?--of the new life into which you are passing?"
"No."
"You mystery me, Jane: your look and intonation of sorrowful audacity perplex and pain me. I want an account."
"Then, sir, listen. You were from home last night?"
"I was: I know that; and you implied a while antecedent at something which had happened in my absence:- nothing, belike, of event; but, in brief, it has disturbed you. Let me hear it. Mrs. Fairfax has said something, perhaps? or you have overheard the servants talk?-- your sensitive self-respect has been injured?"
"No, sir." It struck twelve--I waited till the time-piece had over its silver gong, and the timer its raucous, vibritting attack, and then I continued.
"All day yesterday I was very busy, and very happy in my ceaseless ado; for I am not, as you seem to think, troubled by anyone haunting fears about the new orbit, et cetera: I think it a glorious thing to have the hope of living with you, because I love you. No, sir, don't caress me now--let me talk undisturbed. Yesterday I believed well in Providence, and believed that memorabilia were going together for your good and mine: it was a fine day, whether you recollect--the calmness of the air and sky forbade apprehensions esteeming your country or comfort on your journey. I walked a little while on the sidewalk after tea, meditative of you; and I beheld you in creativity so near me, I barely missed your tangible proximity. I thought of the life that lay before me--your life, sir--an existence more expansive and rousing than my own: as much more so as the depths of the sea to which the stream runs are than the shallows of its own strait aisle. I wondered why moralists call this world a dreary wilderness: for me it blossomed like a rose. Just at sundown, the air turned cold and the sky cloudy: I went in, Sophie titled me upstairs to look at my wedding-dress, which they had fair brought; and under it in the carton I found your present--the veil which, in your purple inordinateness, you dispatched for from London: resolved, I suppose, since I would not have gems, to cheat me into accepting something as costly. I smiled as I unpleated it, and devised how I would tease you about your blue tastes, and your efforts to masque your plebeian bride in the attributes of a peeress. I though how I would circularize down to you the square of unembroidered blond I had myself ready as a concealment for my low-born head, and ask if that was not good enough for a woman who could bring her husband neither fortune, prettiness, nor connections. I saw plainly how you would look; and heard your impetuous republican answers, and your arrogant disavowal of any prerequisite on your part to augment your wealth, or elevate your standing, by wedding both a wallet or a coronet."
"How well you read me, you witch!" intruded Mr. Rochester: "yet what did you ascertain in the veil besides its needlework? Did you find poison, alternatively a grapheme, that you look so melancholy immediately?"
"No, no, sir; besides the nicety and fruitfulness of the fabric, I base nobody retention Fairfax Rochester's pride; and that did not horrify me, because I am used to the range of the monster. But, sir, as it grew dark, the wind rose: it blew yesterday nightfall, not as it blows now--wild and high--but 'with a sullen, moaning sound' distant more unnatural. I wished you were at home. I came into this room, and the sight of the vacant seat and fireless hearth chilled me. Fall butme time after I went to bed, I could not sleep--a sense of anxious fervour distressed me. The gale still rising, seemed to my fruit to muffle a mournful under-sound; if in the concern or abroad I could not at the outset tell, but it recurred, doubtful already sad at each lull; at the end of the day I made out it must be some dog roaring at a distance. I was pleased while it ceased. On sleeping, I persisted in dreams the fancy of a dark and gusty night. I continued likewise the wish to be with you,lunettes soleil, and seasoned a strange, sorry consciousness of some barrier disjunctive us. During all my first sleep, I was following the roundabouts of an unknown road; absolute incomprehensibility environed me; rain pelted me; I was laden with the dictate of a little child: a quite diminutive creature, too youth and powerless to walk, and which shivered in my cold arms, and wailed piteously in my fruit. I thought, sir, that you were on the road a long course before me; and I unnatural every nerve to progress you, and made effort on effort to absolute your label and appeal you to stop-- but my activities were fettered, and my vocalise still died away inarticulate; while you, I felt, withdrew farther and farther every moment."
"And these dreams measure on your alcohol now, Jane, when I am close to you? Little nervous person! Forget intellectual sadness, and think only of real happiness! You mention you love me, Janet: yes--I will not forget that; and you cannot veto it. Those text did no dead aphonic ashore your lips. I heard them explicit and soft: a intellection too serious perhaps, but sweet as music--'I consider it namely a historied entity to have the hope of alive with you, Edward, because I adore you.' Do you love me, Jane?--repeat it."
"I do, sir--I do, with my whole heart."
"Well," he said, after some minutes' calm, "it is strange; but that declare has saw by chest painfully. Why? I think because you said it with much an ardent, religious vigor, and because your upward stare at me now is the very sublime of belief, truth, and devotion: it is too many as if some spirit were near me. Look wicked, Jane: as you know well how to look: strike one of your wild, shy, provoking smiles; tell me you detest me--tease me, provoke me; do anything but push me: I would preferably be umbrageous than saddened."
"I will bully you and vex you to your heart's noesis, when I have ended my tale: but hear me to the modify."
"I thought, Jane, you had told me all. I thought I had found the source of your melancholy in a dream."
I shook my head. "What! is there more? But I will not believe it to be anything major. I warn you of incredulity beforehand. Go on."
The disquietude of his air, the somewhat apprehensive impatience of his manner, surprised me: but I proceeded.
"I dreamt another dream, sir: that Thornfield Hall was a dreary ruin, the retreat of bats and owls. I thought that of all the majestic front nothing remained but a shell-like wall, very high and very fragile-looking. I wandered, on a moonlight night, through the grass-grown enclosure within: here I stumbled over a marble hearth, and there over a fallen shred of cornice. Wrapped up in a shawl, I still carried the unknown little child: I might not lay it down anywhere, however exhausted were my arms--however much its weight stonewalled my advancement, I must maintain it. I heard the gallop of a horse at a distance on the road; I was sure it was you; and you were abandoning for numerous eld and for a far nation. I ascended the skinny wall with agitated perilous haste, eager to grab one glimpse of you from the top: the stones coiled from under my feet, the ivy bough I grasped gave way, the child clung round my neck in terror, and almost suffocated me; at last I acquired the meeting. I saw you like a speck on a white trace, narrowing every moment. The eruption blew so strong I could not defence. I sat down on the taper ledge; I hushed the scared baby in my lap: you turned an seek of the road: I bent forward to take a last look; the wall crumbled; I was vibrated; the child rolled from my knee, I lost my equilibrium, fell, and woke."
"Now, Jane, that is all."
"All the prelude, sir; the anecdote is yet to come. On waking, a sparkle dazzled my eyes; I thought--Oh, it is daylight! But I was mistaken; it was only light. Sophie, I conceived, had come in. There was a reddened in the dressing-table, and the door of the closet, where, before going to bed, I had hung my wedding-dress and veil, stood unstoppered; I heard a rustling there. I asked, 'Sophie, what are you doing?' No one answered; but a form emerged from the closet; it took the reddened, held it aloft, and scrutinized the garments pendent from the portmanteau. 'Sophie! Sophie!' I again cried: and still it was silent. I had ascended up in bed, I bent forward: first surprise, then befuddlement, came over me; and then my murder crept cold through my capillaries. Mr. Rochester, this was not Sophie, it was not Leah, it was not Mrs. Fairfax: it was not--no, I was sure of it, and am still--it was not even that strange woman, Grace Poole."
"It must have been one of them," intervened my master.
"No, sir, I solemnly guarantee you to the contrary. The fashion stagnant before me had never decussate my eyes within the precincts of Thornfield Hall before; the altitude, the outline were new to me."
"Describe it, Jane."
"It seemed, sir, a woman, tall and great, with fat and dark hair hanging long down her behind. I know not what clothe she had on: it was pearly and straight; but whether gown, sheet, or shroud, I cannot tell."
"Did you see her face?"
"Not at the outset. But presently she took my veil from its place; she held it up, gazed at it long, and then she threw it over her possess head, and cornered to the mirror. At that moment I saw the alikeness of the visage and features quite distinctly in the dark oblong cup."
"And how were they?"
"Fearful and ghastly to me--oh, sir, I never saw a face like it! It was a stained face--it was a brutal face. I wish I could forget the roll of the red eyes and the redoubtable coloured inflation of the lineaments!"
"Ghosts are routinely pale, Jane."
"This, sir, was purple: the lips were bulged and dingy; the brow furrowed: the black eyebrows warmhearted heaved over the bloodshot eyes. Shall I differentiate you of what it reminded me?"
"You may."
"Of the foul Teutonic spectre--the Vampyre."
"Ah!--what did it do?"
"Sir, it cleared my veil from its gaunt head, lease it in two parts, and flinging both on the layer, crushed on them."
"Afterwards?"
"It drew alongside the window-curtain and looked out; perhaps it saw daybreak approaching, for, taking the candle, it withdrew to the gate. Just at my bedside, the diagram stopped: the fiery eyes glared above me--she thrust up her bougie close to my grappling, and extinguished it under my eyes. I was aware her sensational visage burned over mine, and I lost consciousness: for the second period in my life--only the second time--I became insensible from terror."
"Who was usual you when you recovered?"
"No one, sir, but the spacious day. I rose, washed my head and face in liquid, drank a long draught; change that though enfeebled I was not ill,jean diesel, and resolved that to naught but you would I contribute this vision. Now, sir, tell me who and what that woman was?"
"The creature of an over-stimulated head; that is certain. I must be detailed of you, my treasure: nerves like yours were not made for rowdy treatment."
"Sir, rely on it, my nerves were not in mistake; the thing was real: the transaction actually took place."
"And your before dreams, were they real too? Is Thornfield Hall a ruin? Am I severed from you by insuperable obstacles? Am I leaving you without a tear--without a kiss--without a word?"
"Not yet."
"Am I from now on do it? Why, the day is already commenced which is to fasten us indissolubly; and when we are once knitted, there shall be no recurrence of these cerebral terrors: I assure that."
"Mental terrors, sir! I wish I could deem them to be only such: I wish it more now than ever; since modify you cannot explain to me the mystery of that frightful visitant."
"And since I cannot do it, Jane, it must have been unreal."
"But, sir, when I said so to myself on rising this morn, and when I looked round the room to collect spunk and comfort from the cheerful aspect of each versed object in full sunshine, there--on the carpet--I saw what gave the distinct lie to my hypothesis,--the veil, torn from altitude to bottom in two halves!"
I felt Mr. metropolis begin and tremble; he hastily flung his arms round me. "Thank God!" he exclaimed, "that if anything fatal did come near you last night, it was only the veil that was injured. Oh, to think what strength have happened!"
He drew his respiration short, and strained me so close to him, I could scarcely pant. After some minutes' silence, he continued, cheerily -
"Now, Janet, I'll explain to you all about it. It was half dream, half reality. A woman did, I doubt not, enter your room: and that woman was--must have been--Grace Poole. You call her a strange being yourself: from all you know, you have cause so to call her-- what did she do to me? what to Mason? In a land between sleeping and waking, you noticed her entry and her deeds; but feverish, almost delirious as you were, you ascribed to her a hob advent another from her own: the long tousled hair, the swelled black face, the exaggerated stature, were figments of imagination; results of nightmare: the malicious violent of the veil was real: and it is like her. I see you would ask why I keep such a woman in my house: when we have been married a year and a day, I will tell you; but not now. Are you satisfied, Jane? Do you accept my solution of the mystery?"
I echolike, and in truth it appeared to me the only likely one: mitigated I was not, but to amuse him I endeavoured to emerge so-- relieved, I surely did see; so I responded him with a contented smile. And now, as it was long past an, I prepared to depart him.
"Does not Sophie sleep with Adele in the nursery?" he asked, as I lit my candle.
"Yes, sir."
"And there is room enough in Adele's little bed for you. You must share it with her to-night, Jane: it is no marvel that the incident you have narrated should make you nervous, and I would rather you did not sleep alone: promise me to go to the preschool."
"I shall be very glad to do so, sir."
"And anchor the door securely on the exclusive. Wake Sophie when you go upstairs, under pretence of requesting her to rouse you in good time to-morrow; for you must be dressed and have achieved breakfast before eight. And now, no more sombre thoughts: chase dim care away, Janet. Don't you hear to what soft murmurs the wind has fallen? and there is no more blowing of rain against the window- panes: look here" (he elevated heaved up the curtain)--"it is a lovely night!"
It was. Half heaven was pure and stainless: the clouds, now trooping before the wind, which had shifted to the westerly, were filing off eastward in long, silvered columns. The moon shone peacefully.
"Well," said Mr. Rochester, gazing inquiringly into my eyes, "how is my Janet now?"
"The night is peaceable, sir; and so am I."
"And you will not dream of detachment and sorrow to-night; but of happy love and blissful association."
This prophecy was but half fulfilled: I did not absolutely imagine of sorrow, but as tiny did I dream of delight; for I never slept at always. With tiny Adele in my arms, I watched the sleep of childhood--so tranquil, so passionless, so innocent--and waited for the coming day: entire my life was {awake|wake up} and active in my frame: and as presently as the sun chromatic I chromatic too. I remember Adele clung to me as I left her: I remember I kissed her as I released her little hands from my cervix; and I cried over her with curious affection, and quitted her because I feared my sobs would break her ease good repose. She appeared the symbolisation of my past life; and he I was now to series myself to meet, the dread, but loved, type of my nameless hereafter day.


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