The Fightins » How to be a fan at CBP: Playoff Edition

[jaykiugqiw]

Back in May, I wrote my magnum opus in which I explained to fans what’s expected of them at home games. Â*Looking around at the number of ill shirts and homemade Phanatic costumes, I’d say it was a rousing success. Â*But it’s playoff time now, and just like the players, it’s time for the fans to step up their game even more. Â*So, in honor of my third straight trip to the playoffs sitting directly behind home plate, I give you Dr. FanSince09 ESQ OBE’s Guide to Being a Fan at CBP: Playoff Edition. Introduction Did you get your playoff tickets? Yes? Great! You’re ready to join the ranks of true fans. If you’re not a season ticket holder, Â*you’re welcome to enjoy the game with us, but if the stadium catches fire you are the last out. Â*Whether you this is your first playoff game or you are a long time fan like me, there is a motto you need to live by once the playoffs start: Â*act like you’ve never been here before. Â*While sitting on your ass and blending in may of been fine for the regular season, this is the big time, and your goal is to get on television in any way possible. 1. Attire Saber nerds will try to tell you something stupid like how long-term fans are the best or the best fans are the ones that write dumb blogs about math,but everyone knows that the real indicator is how much officially licensed team gear you own. Â*You’ve probably blown through all your shirts and hats during the season, and the key is not to recycle. Â*Luckily, MLB releases shirts for every round of the playoffs, so grab yourself a NLDS Hat, Shirt and Hoodie and you’re all set for the first round. Â*These shirts also make a great souvenir and it’s a great way to brag to everyone who wasn’t there. Â*Nothing says “I was at a historic playoff game” <a href="http://www.cheapnflcustomizedjerseys.com/nfl-green-bay-packers-jermichael-finley-authentic-jerseys-green-p-1271.html"><strong> Jermichael Finley Jerseys</strong></a> than a 35 mass produced T-shirt. If you buy a t-shirt and they lose, Â*it’s the t-shirts fault. Throw it away and buy a new one. If you have an official jersey, you can wear that in lieu of a playoff T-shirt (but still wear the playoff hat), Â*but as I said in my first guide, it better be an official jersey, not a knockoff with painted numbers, not something you got from china. If you have a jersey and insist on having a player’s name on it instead of your own, make sure it’s someone who’s relevant to the team. Â*Â*Bumonic Clown jersey? Leave it at home. Â*Jason Werth? Â*Should be illegal to own it. Â*A J.A Happ jersey is fine, though, it’s like Eagles fans still wearing Dawkins jerseys. Â*If you’ve got some old player’s name on your jersey, head to your nearest Majestic Store and buy yourself an official Hunter Pence jersey. Â*Shirseys are out, too, you don’t wanna look like you’re broke on national TV. If you’re really committed, though, I’d recommend making yourself a costume. Â*Some cardboard and strips of felt and you’ve got your own phanatic costume. Â*Some bronze spraypaint and you’re Raul Ibanez’s future hall of fame plaque. Â*Christmas may be months away but that doesn’t mean you can’t wear your full Santa suit to the game; in fact, if TBS cameras catch you it will even lead to some great banter from the commentators about the time Eagles fans booed Santa! Â*Your costume does not to be Phillies themed. Â*Have a Pirate hat? Awesome, you’re now “Pirate Hat Guy!” Just make sure you have an official “Pirate Hate Guy” jersey. Â*Â*If you’re in a group, make sure to come up with a group theme. Those “Worley’s Warriors” guys were on TV so much they’re probably represented by CAA now. Â*That can be you. What about the ill shirt? Â*As awesome as they are, I don’t know if they are formal enough <a href="http://www.cheapnflcustomizedjerseys.com/nfl-green-bay-packers-ryan-grant-authentic-jerseys-green-p-1329.html"><strong> Ryan Grant Jerseys</strong></a> for a playoff game. Â*Â*Maybe someone should make “lay” shirt in the playoffs font.Â* Â* If you have the standard ill shirt and insist on wearing it, dress it up a little. Â*Maybe wear one with crystal or rhinestones, or just throw a tuxedo jacket on over it. 2. Signs The best way to get on TV (besides spending the entire game hanging out where the guys make cheesesteaks), is to bring a clever signs. There are several ways you can go with this. Â*The tried and true method of getting your sign on TV is to pander to the TV network that is airing the game. Â*The NLDS is on TBS, so you’d need to work TBS into your sign. Â*Â*If it we were versing the Braves, it would be easy, you could do: The Braves Suck But since we’re versing the Cardinals it will have to be more difficult (The Brewers Suck” will work in the NLCS) Luckily, you can use any letter placement in the word to spell out the TV station's name, for example: sTop Blowing it HammelS I expect to see that one at the game. Another thing to do is to is tie in former players to the current team. Â*For example, Jason Werth left and isn’t in the playoffs. Â*So bring a sign like “Sorry Jason, Hunter is WERTH it!” That’ll get on TV AND start the announcers talking about the fact that Werth left. Also, the phrase "Let's go eat" is hilarious and awesome and not at all overdone. Â*If you bring a sign featuring a play on "Let's go eat," you will be the only person to have that sign and everyone else will tear up their signs in jealousy because you thought of it first! Whichever way you go with your sign, just remember, they are the difference between being on TV and not being on TV. 3. General Behavior: It’s natural to brag when you’re at a playoff game. After all, you’re in an elite group of true fans. Â*So, Â*you need to tell everyone that you’re there. Â*How do you do this? Â*Simple. Â*Call everyone on your phone. Â*Call everyone you know. Â*Do it during the game and start the conversation with “Hey! Guess where I am!” Â*Don’t worry about annoying anyone around you, they’re just a jealous of you as the guy on the phone is (you have tickets AND tons of friends!). Â*Â*Do you have a friend at the game? Â*Is he way up top and you’re field level? Gotta call him and rub it in as much as possible. Â*Did a foul ball land near your section? Call him. Â*Did you get a good view on a close play? Call him. Â*He’ll be so jealous he couldn’t see it, and you win as a fan. Also, having two playoff tickets mean you can bring the chick you’ve always wanted to bang at work. Â*Sure, she knows absolutely nothing about baseball, Â*but what’s a baseball game for if not explaining every single aspect of the game to someone while it’s happening? Â*Make sure she has her pink Phillies hat, too. Â*Â*Having an extra ticket is also great if you have a newborn baby. Â*Your infant will have nothing but great memories of the game that he/she will be able to talk about forever. Â*Make sure to get so involved in the game that you ignore your child. His/Her crying isn’t nearly as important as the Phanatic’s dance routine. Â*If anyone complains about your crying child, they hate babies. Also, remember, this is Philadelphia. Â*We have a reputation to uphold. Â*Make sure that you are as insufferably obnoxious as humanly possible. Â*YOU are paying for your ticket, let everyone else worry about themselves, why should you have to censor yourself and behave like a rational, decent human being? Also, there may be a chance that a few Cardinals fans are able to get a ticket and attend the game. Â*First off, whoever sold their ticket is a traitor and should be banned from CBP for life. Â*Second, who the hell his this jerk to root to be born outside of Philadelphia?Â* An opposing team’s fan, regardless of gender or age, should ALWAYS be greeted with an “asshole” chant. If they sit behind you, stand up so they can’t see.Â* If they sit in front of you, talk loudly about what you would do to a Cardinals fan in the parking lot if you saw one. Â* Make sure they are unable to enjoy the game in any way. Â*Remember, if a Cardinals fan comes into <a href="http://www.cheapnflcustomizedjerseys.com/chicago-bears-jerseys-c-6.html"><strong>Chicago Bears Jerseys</strong></a> our building and doesn’t leave without requiring years of therapy and hating the game of baseball, we have gotten soft as a fanbase. On Sunday, the Phillies and Eagles both play.Â* If you are going to the Eagles game, make sure to drink yourself nearly to death before walking over to Citizen Bank’s Park.Â* If the Eagles lost, it is your duty to attempt fight every single person you see.Â* If the Eagles won and the Phillies are trailing, it is important to do non-stopped Eagles chants in order to remind the Phillies of their place. Ending Congratulations! You are now ready to represent the Philadelphia Phillies as a fan in the 2011 playoffs.Â* It’s too bad that they have shown that they can’t win all through september, and they still employ Coal Hammels, who basically a batting tee with a gay voice.Â*Â* Win or lose, if they follow these guidelines you can proudly tell your children “I went to a Phillies playoff game and I made it all about me.”