Ahhhh, relief. More relief. But then your thighs begin to shake, not helped by the fact that your left arm is stretched to its fullest extent trying to keep the door shut. You'd love to sit down but you didn't have time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper down, so you hold 'The Position' as a quake that would register an eight on the Richter scale travels through your aching thighs. To take your mind off the pain, you reach for what you now discover is an empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying: "Darling, if you'd cleaned the seat first, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper
Anna Wallet!"
I kept hearing that in America they have the latest releases at half the cost of bags in the United Kingdom. I then visited American Ebay and found that it was true, you could in fact by designer handbags at half the cost. It was not just designer bags that were cheap but also designer sunglasses (my other weakness!). I bought the latest Roberto Cavalli Sunglasses for $200, which is about £100! In the United Kingdom Shops they are selling at £200! Double the price! I also bought a Birkin bag for $1100, this is about £550
Red Monkey Men Shorts! If by some small chance you can actually get your hands on a Birkin bag then you are faced with a 2 year wait
Michigan Wolverines! Now some people may not mind waiting 2 years but I do! When I ordered my bag from the states it arrived after 6 days!
Your thigh muscles are seconds away from snapping like old knicker elastic. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday--the one that's in your handbag, which you cannot unzip because you only have one free hand. So you take your hand off the door and scrabble about in your bag until you find a ball of paper that would barely cover a gnat's arse. You smooth it out and fluff it up, but it is still only slightly larger than your thumbnail. At this point someone pushes open the door because you've taken your hand away to open your bag. The door hits your handbag, which thumps you in the chest and you and your bag topple backward against the toilet cistern--which is disconcertingly wet.
I've spent many long hours searching charity shops after reading about countless celebrities claiming to have purchased a 'vintage Gucci bag' from Oxfam at the cost of a bottle of wine. The only thing I have ever found resembling a designer handbag was a Louis Vuitton clutch bag which upon close inspection was actually made in china and the LV logo painted all over the bag actually said 1V! Needless to say I did not buy it as it would probably have been a lot cheaper off a market stall!
Following my failed attempts at charity shops, I tried car boot sales, Jumble sales, Flea Markets and Garage sales but I was still minus my designer handbag!